Time to be Honest about Daily Prayer

Think of the last time that your daily prayer time was truly different. I can’t define for you exactly what that looks like but I imagine that it offered glimpses of:

• clarity

• listening

• lingering in God’s presence

• savoring God’s goodness

“Prayer is a burst from my heart, it is a simple glance thrown toward Heaven...”

— St. Therese of Lisieux

That moment of prayer may have included your emotions or maybe not. It may have been long or short. It may have been in private or in public. The key is that it was different, even special compared to the churn of our weekly schedules.

How long ago was that time of prayer? And, just as importantly, are you setting yourself up for the next time that God might bless you with a similar experience?

This is not to say that all times of prayer need to be memorable or “special”. After all, each glance of the heart towards heaven is of value. And, fair to say, much of our prayer time is quite ordinary. Simply praying is a big deal. St. Therese of Lisieux said this about prayer, "For me, prayer is a burst from my heart, it is a simple glance thrown toward Heaven, a cry of thanksgiving and love in times of trial as well as in times of joy."

I suspect that if you’re reading this blog, you want something deeper in terms of your prayer life. You already have a daily time of prayer but you long for a richer experience of God’s unbounding love.

“Nothing great is ever achieved without enduring much.”

— St. Catherine of Siena

I know that I do.

If I’m honest though, I am tempted to give God the scraps of my heart. In morning devotional time, I can get sloppy. I’ll start off with the daily Mass readings from the USCCB website and linger with them for a while. But, I let myself get distracted. 15 minutes later and I’ve checked the weather, my local news here in Bethlehem, PA and the latest sports scores from the night before. I’m checking off the “morning prayer” box on my list but I know the truth- it’s sloppy.

We do this in all sorts of other areas of our lives. Think of when you threw two dollars into the collection basket at Church when you knew that your salary could justify much, much more. Or, think of the times when your church asked for help with a particular project and you defaulted to “I’m so busy, someone else will do it”. We are seldom as generous as we ought to be with God.

This isn’t to beat myself up or to be overly scrupulous. It’s just honest. God knows that I want my morning prayer time to be better, to be more whole, more human and more focused. And, He knows that I pray for that grace and resolve to do better the next time. The acknowledgement of the struggle is very, very healthy.

One strategy that helps to overcome digital distraction is the use of physical books- devotionals, spiritual classics and a physical Bible. Another is to avoid hiding your feelings about prayer from God. Tell Him about your struggle. Name it and offer it up to Him. Make a sincere act of faith and see what God does.

Are you honest about your prayer time? Are you noticing patterns that could be improved? Is something not working for you that needs to be put away?

An Act of Faith

Loving God, you know when I open my heart fully to you and when I put up a wall between us. Let me, just for today, bring my whole self to you, even if it’s imperfect. Build me up Jesus into a great saint, that I might consistently bring you my best, especially when I don’t feel like it.

What Do You Desire?

When prayer is difficult for you, there are any number of paths forward. Whether it’s free-form journaling (which I’ve covered here) or a change to your routine, there is always a new approach that you can try. As with working out, sometimes you need to mix it up.

Something that I’ve been using lately deals with desire. You’ve probably read the famous Merton prayer which seemingly every young person claims as an adolescent credo,

My Lord God, 
I have no idea where I am going. 
I do not see the road ahead of me. 

I cannot know for certain where it will end. 
Nor do I really know myself, 
and the fact that I think that I am following 
your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. 

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. 
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. 
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. 
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. 

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, 
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.  Amen.  

While I have such mixed feelings about Merton due to his late-in-life moral failings, this particular prayer has stayed with me. I think he was on to something.

Lately, feeling a bit stale with my stay-at-home morning routine, I’ve leaned on desire to talk with God. One morning it was like this, “Lord God, I’ve got nothing today. Nothing except a desire to pray, a desire to be happy, a desire to smile… desires.” Then from there, I listed my desires and it was as if something new sprang forth, “Lord, I desire virtue. I desire my family to be happy. I desire to have a good day. I desire to make a difference through my work. I desire to be a great husband and father. I desire holiness. I desire your Word. I desire silence.” And on and on it went.

This is not magic, as if just telling God your desires will make them come true. Rather, the articulation of desire is an expression of the heart. It’s an opening of who you are now and who you want to be. This wanting is a grace from the Lord- pay attention to it.

As Catholics have gone without the Eucharist for the past few months (due to the stay-at-home orders of Covid-19), the prayer for spiritual communion has been reintroduced. Note the emphasis on desire in the prayer,

My Jesus, 
I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament. 
I love You above all things, 
and I desire to receive You into my soul. 
Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, 
come at least spiritually into my heart. 
I embrace You as if You were already there 
and unite myself wholly to You. 
Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.

Today, as you pray, pay attention to your desires. Let God know exactly what you desire from this day and in your life. This May unlock a greater desire for the Lord Himself and unite your desire with His.

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The Podcast from Michael St. Pierre

Do What You Can (and Be at Peace with What You Can’t)

One of the privileges of my career has been to introduce good people to one another. Often, this comes at a time when someone needs a job or when there is an opportunity for mentorship. Knowing how much I’ve benefited from holy, capable mentors, this “handoff” is borderline sacred and certainly part of giving back. I love when I can send an email that says, “Joe, meet Susan, one of the kindness people I know…”

One of those mentors is Fr. Dennis Berry, S.T., a kindly priest who is a Missionary Servant of the Most Holy Trinity. You can listen to his daily podcast here.

Years ago, I invited Fr. Dennis to speak to some young faculty members who clearly had talent and a bright future. His message was simple enough, “You do what you can. As for the rest, be at peace with what you cannot control.”

To be frank, I was disappointed in his message. Really? Do what you can? Was that the best that Fr. Dennis could offer on that particular day? Couldn’t he have reminded us of some obscure text from the Middle Ages that is helpful for our modern day? But no, “do what you can” was all we got.

Simple Truths

“Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry.”

— St. Francis de Sales

Since that day, God has humbled me (about a million times over) and taught me that Fr. Dennis was more right than I could have ever imagined. I’ve since repeated his message to countless employees and friends. His central point was the following:

1. Do what you can. Since most people would rather complain about what others are not doing, this prevents them from taking action personally. Most people, in brutal honesty, do not do what they can.

2. Be at peace with what you cannot control. This is not to say that you ignore what others are (or are not) doing. Rather, you make peace with the very real fact that there are things completely out of your control.

How might we apply Fr. Dennis’ simple message to our time of social distancing and collective isolation? I decided to begin with a list of what I cannot control which include:

• Whether or not the President is listening to his medical advisors.

• Whether the Bishops should have a more muscular voice regarding the reopening of parishes.

• Whether there is a global plan to disrupt planet earth. (You can watch amateur hour unfold on that here)

• Whether the audio for the next Mass I watch online will be clear enough.

If I’m not careful, each of the items above can create anxiety. If I lean into each one too often, I’ll lose sleep and begin to feel paralyzed by fear.

What I Can Control

On the flip side, if I do what I can, I can regain confidence and have permission to do small (but mighty) actions. These include:

• I can choose to have my daily devotional time of prayer.

• I can choose to be fully present to my wife and children, even in the midst of a workday.

• I can choose to provide my family with daily opportunities for group prayer and reflection.

• I can choose to make healthy choices regarding food, sleep and hobbies.

• I can choose to be a positive voice online instead of a Negative Ned.

• I can choose to bring my very best self to work.

As I look at the two lists above, the latter feels better. I can hold each of those in my hands. They don’t feel too heavy.

Each is doable and within my control. It’s what I can do and as for the rest, I’ll be praying to be at peace with those.

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The Components of a Family Faith Curriculum

In my last post, I shared the why behind our family’s decision to create its own faith curriculum. To sum it up, we found that we simply couldn’t rely solely on our local parish or Catholic schools to provide what our kids needed. The inconsistencies in preaching, teaching and programming were just too great.

What we learned in the process is that the Church has invited us all along to make our home a “domestic church”. That is to say, we finally embraced what we were called to be all along. Our home would become the primary place of formation. This would then be complemented by our church and schools.

Covid-19 challenged us to see what we could do at home as our local churches have been closed. As a father, it’s been a wonderful opportunity for me to learn (again) what it means to be the spiritual father of our family.

“Thus the little domestic Church, like the greater Church, needs to be constantly and intensely evangelized: hence its duty regarding permanent education in the faith…the family, like the Church, ought to be a place where the Gospel is transmitted and from which the Gospel radiates…the future of evangelization depends in great part on the Church of the home.”

— Saint John Paul II

As the saying goes, “necessity is the mother of invention”. I guess we’ve become more of discoverers than inventors. I look at this process as one of curation rather than creation. We’ve pieced together a loose system that works for us. Will it work for you? Probably not in its same format. You’ll need to curate for yourself. I think the key is to be intentional and tweak and adjust as you go.

The Lenses

Anyhow, back to the family faith curriculum. You’ve heard of why we created this. Today, I’ll share with you exactly what it looks like each week. Remember the lenses through which we’ve crafted this curriculum:

1. A lens of Truth, Goodness & Beauty.

2. An emphasis on classical things.

3. Variety.

4. Personal ownership.

5. A nightly practice.

6. Scripture.

The Day-by-Day Names

With these lenses in mind, my wife and I decided to then look at each day of the week and “assign” a them to each day. We also decided to brand each day, making it easy for the kids to remember our point of emphasis. Here are the days:

• Marian Monday: a focus on Mary, Marian spirituality and Marian practices

• Theological Tuesday: a focus on a classical theological concept of text

• Works of Mercy Wednesday: a focus on the importance of doing good and practicing mercy

• Thankful Thursday: a focus on Divine Mercy and gratitude

• Free Friday: typically an “open” night to do whatever feels right

• Saturday & Sunday: a focus on beauty

The Day-by-Day Activities

Now we’ll look at exactly what we do in each night’s time of prayer:

• Marian Monday: We pray the rosary. Sometimes, to mix it up, we might have a slideshow up on the tv with images of Mary, forming a sort of Visio Divina. When our kids were younger, we started out with just a decade of the rosary. Over time, we were able to cover the entire rosary.

• Theological Tuesday: On Tuesdays, I like to find some rich theological text, poem or excerpt for us to look at and discuss. This might be a poem by Chesterton, a quote from Sheen or a phrase from Augustine. This night is very profound but also brief. We might “wrap” this with everyone going around and offering prayers for others.

• Works of Mercy Wednesday: On Wednesdays, we might write to our sponsor child, call the grandparents, or write notes to people who are alone. The key is to help the kids see a world bigger than just our home and our family.

• Thankful Thursday: On Thursdays, we do things related to gratitude. This could be praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet or just going around and praying for people for whom we are thankful. The key is to emphasize gratitude to God in very specific ways.

• Free Friday: On Fridays, we typically make pizza and maybe watch a movie. Prayers are typically brief and we go with the flow.

• Saturday & Sunday: on Saturday, we’ll hand the Bible to one of the kids and invite them to find the Sunday Gospel reading. This teaches them the skill of Bible literacy. Then, we’ll talk about the upcoming Sunday’s Gospel and what it means to each of us. On Sunday, we might look at a famous icon (emphasis on beauty) and discuss its meaning.

As I’ve stated before, this is a work in progress. This framework is a starting point. It’s not meant to be so structured so that it feels tight. Rather, it frees us up to be together as a family of faith.

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Outstanding Guests, Practical Tips

My Personal Credo

The 7 Statements That Guide my Day

Several years ago I came across author Gretchen Rubin’s idea of having a personal set of “Commandments”. She discovered these over the course of several years and they seemed to provide a sort of framework for how she wanted to live.

“The nation doesn’t simply need what we have. It needs what we are.”

— Edith Stein (St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross)

My first thought was, “that’s so nice for Gretchen but I don’t have a list and I am a Christian so that’s not possible for me.” Having the Ten Commandments and a dearth of Church teaching in the background felt like ‘enough’. Two other complications influenced my delay- I’m Catholic and a recovering perfectionist.

First, the Catholic part. You see, Catholics aren’t quick when it comes to making things up. We rely on the past, on precedent and on foundations of philosophy and theology. Making things up feels like something that other spiritual traditions do. As a result, this mindset (which isn’t always helpful) can delay innovation and stifle creativity.

As for the perfectionist part, this is a habit that can prevent action. Wanting to get things “just right”, the recovering perfectionist puts off doing things that seem scary. This was certainly the case for me, procrastinating my own creation of a personal list of commandments.

What finally prompted me to sit down and create my list? 

Instability. In the summer of 2019, my family faced the real prospect of selling our home of 12 years in New Jersey and finding a new house in Bethlehem, PA. While only an hour west of us, this move brought with it a wave of uncertainties. Which house could we buy? Where would the kids go to school? Which church would we join?

The stress that comes with a house move is heavy. It certainly was for us as the time felt like it was slipping away. One house wasn’t selling and deadlines were approaching. It didn’t feel good and everything was up in the air.

Out of this came a strong desire for an anchor. While my morning prayer time was stable, I felt called to add a component- my own list of personal commandments. I remembered Rubin’s list and figured this was the time for me to put pen to paper.

Over the course of several weeks, the following list emerged and it’s stuck with me ever since:

• Be kind to yourself- I’ll choose to not beat myself up or be overly critical.

• Do your thing- I’ll choose to work hard and avoid worrying about what others might think.

• Forward in goodness- I’ll choose to assume the good in others.

• Choose happiness- I’ll choose to do things that contribute to a happy and holy life.

• It’s ok to linger- I’ll choose to stay with conversations and people for a bit longer than usual, avoiding rushing along.

• Imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm- I’ll choose to find the good in other people and in imperfect situations.

• Find your strength- I’ll choose to be direct, confident and strong.

How do I Use the Commandments?

“You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all.”

— St. Therese of Lisieux

Quite simply, I read these commandments every day during my quiet time. By reading them and then pondering their meaning, they get seared into my brain. It’s always surprising, in a good way, when one of the statements comes back to me in the course of a busy day. I’ll be tempted to finish a conversation and move on to the next thing and then I’ll remember, “it’s ok to linger”. I might stay with that conversation for one more question and enjoy the other person’s company all the more.

Or, I might be tempted to get frustrated when a project isn’t moving as quickly as I would like. I’ll remember, “imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm”. Then, my entire mindset might change, giving myself permission to keep working amidst a slow-moving project.

What Effect Have they Had?

The commandments were uncovered and represent thoughts and concepts formed over many years. As a result, each one has tremendous meaning for me. When I read them each morning, they give me confidence and remind me that God wants a holy, happy and whole life for me. Each statement builds towards that. I’ve reviewed them with my spiritual director and gotten feedback on them. It sounds trite but I can say with confidence- they work for me.

How Can You Create Your Own List?

I have discovered seven commandments but you might have more or less. I would suggest asking God to show you concepts that are important to you and you alone. Write them down, sit with them and then revisit them a few days later. Your list may grow or become smaller over time. Let God do the revealing.

The hardest part will be to start and put thought to paper. Let God do the rest.

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Tell God What’s On Your Mind

We sat in the car, driving along route 22 in Pennsylvania. It had been a long week and I wasn’t sure if my son had had a particularly good one. With a new school  and having to make new friends, I wondered how everything was going.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.

And the rest just flowed. We talked about new friends and old, about navigating a new school building and about what kids were like. The conversation didn’t last long but it was just what the doctor ordered. The father-son “pulse check” was complete.

This is a strategy we can also use in prayer.

By starting our prayer time with a personal inventory, a sort of check-in, we are laying it all out there for the Lord. Sometimes we feel a certain way and that bleeds into our devotional time. I find that telling God what’s on our mind is just as valuable. 

The end-of-day Ignatian examen is a genius way to complete the day. Let’s not ignore the power of the start of our day and the many things on our minds at that time of the day.

When you take stock of your thoughts, you accomplish three things:

1. You become aware. By sharing your thoughts with God, you are then more mindful of what’s bothering you, what preoccupies you and what is lingering in your head.

2. You become grateful. We are so fortunate to have a God who wants to know us personally. He wants us to share what we are thinking and feeling. This produces gratefulness. We are not alone.

3. You learn to surrender. Sometimes, our thoughts are quite strong. At other times, we can just let them go and move on. In either case, we learn to offer up to the Lord what we carry into prayer.

After all, what we are thinking is often what we are feeling.

As an example, I might say, “God I’m thinking about the day ahead and I have some anxiety...” Or, how about, “Lord I’m thinking of my mom’s friend who is very sick.” Both examples are on my heart (feelings) but also on my mind (thoughts).

The Bible isn’t absent on this point. Romans 12:2 speaks of this feeling-thought dynamic:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

The process of renewing our thoughts takes practice. Many of us, I’m speaking from experience, can let thought patterns develop over decades. These are hard to change. What I’ve found, with years of practice, is that a daily sharing with God of what I’m thinking is the best remedy for unhealthy thoughts.

I realized in my late thirties that I had a very primitive view of God. He was the professor grading my life with a red pen. I could never measure up to His high standard. This thought pattern took years to unearth. Thankfully, it only took a few years to reshape.

Saint Teresa of Avila also speaks to this. She says, “It isn’t good to let our thoughts disturb us or worry us at all.”  St. Thomas More contributes this advice, “Occupy your minds with good thoughts, or the enemy will fill them with bad ones. Unoccupied, they cannot be.”

Our thoughts matter to God. Why not begin each day’s devotions with a sharing of them with the Lord?