One of the privileges of my career has been to introduce good people to one another. Often, this comes at a time when someone needs a job or when there is an opportunity for mentorship. Knowing how much I’ve benefited from holy, capable mentors, this “handoff” is borderline sacred and certainly part of giving back. I love when I can send an email that says, “Joe, meet Susan, one of the kindness people I know…”
One of those mentors is Fr. Dennis Berry, S.T., a kindly priest who is a Missionary Servant of the Most Holy Trinity. You can listen to his daily podcast here.
Years ago, I invited Fr. Dennis to speak to some young faculty members who clearly had talent and a bright future. His message was simple enough, “You do what you can. As for the rest, be at peace with what you cannot control.”
To be frank, I was disappointed in his message. Really? Do what you can? Was that the best that Fr. Dennis could offer on that particular day? Couldn’t he have reminded us of some obscure text from the Middle Ages that is helpful for our modern day? But no, “do what you can” was all we got.
Simple Truths
“Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry.”
Since that day, God has humbled me (about a million times over) and taught me that Fr. Dennis was more right than I could have ever imagined. I’ve since repeated his message to countless employees and friends. His central point was the following:
Do what you can. Since most people would rather complain about what others are not doing, this prevents them from taking action personally. Most people, in brutal honesty, do not do what they can.
Be at peace with what you cannot control. This is not to say that you ignore what others are (or are not) doing. Rather, you make peace with the very real fact that there are things completely out of your control.
How might we apply Fr. Dennis’ simple message to our time of social distancing and collective isolation? I decided to begin with a list of what I cannot control which include:
Whether or not the President is listening to his medical advisors.
Whether the Bishops should have a more muscular voice regarding the reopening of parishes.
Whether there is a global plan to disrupt planet earth. (You can watch amateur hour unfold on that here)
Whether the audio for the next Mass I watch online will be clear enough.
If I’m not careful, each of the items above can create anxiety. If I lean into each one too often, I’ll lose sleep and begin to feel paralyzed by fear.
What I Can Control
On the flip side, if I do what I can, I can regain confidence and have permission to do small (but mighty) actions. These include:
I can choose to have my daily devotional time of prayer.
I can choose to be fully present to my wife and children, even in the midst of a workday.
I can choose to provide my family with daily opportunities for group prayer and reflection.
I can choose to make healthy choices regarding food, sleep and hobbies.
I can choose to be a positive voice online instead of a Negative Ned.
I can choose to bring my very best self to work.
As I look at the two lists above, the latter feels better. I can hold each of those in my hands. They don’t feel too heavy.
Each is doable and within my control. It’s what I can do and as for the rest, I’ll be praying to be at peace with those.
