The Quiet Life relies on several core components, one of which is the low information diet. By choosing to control how and when news gets to you, you’re actually freeing up space for other, higher value activities.
Read moreTime to be Honest about Daily Prayer
Think of the last time that your daily prayer time was truly different. I can’t define for you exactly what that looks like but I imagine that it offered glimpses of:
clarity
listening
lingering in God’s presence
savoring God’s goodness
“Prayer is a burst from my heart, it is a simple glance thrown toward Heaven...”
That moment of prayer may have included your emotions or maybe not. It may have been long or short. It may have been in private or in public. The key is that it was different, even special compared to the churn of our weekly schedules.
How long ago was that time of prayer? And, just as importantly, are you setting yourself up for the next time that God might bless you with a similar experience?
This is not to say that all times of prayer need to be memorable or “special”. After all, each glance of the heart towards heaven is of value. And, fair to say, much of our prayer time is quite ordinary. Simply praying is a big deal. St. Therese of Lisieux said this about prayer, "For me, prayer is a burst from my heart, it is a simple glance thrown toward Heaven, a cry of thanksgiving and love in times of trial as well as in times of joy."
I suspect that if you’re reading this blog, you want something deeper in terms of your prayer life. You already have a daily time of prayer but you long for a richer experience of God’s unbounding love.
“Nothing great is ever achieved without enduring much.”
I know that I do.
If I’m honest though, I am tempted to give God the scraps of my heart. In morning devotional time, I can get sloppy. I’ll start off with the daily Mass readings from the USCCB website and linger with them for a while. But, I let myself get distracted. 15 minutes later and I’ve checked the weather, my local news here in Bethlehem, PA and the latest sports scores from the night before. I’m checking off the “morning prayer” box on my list but I know the truth- it’s sloppy.
We do this in all sorts of other areas of our lives. Think of when you threw two dollars into the collection basket at Church when you knew that your salary could justify much, much more. Or, think of the times when your church asked for help with a particular project and you defaulted to “I’m so busy, someone else will do it”. We are seldom as generous as we ought to be with God.
This isn’t to beat myself up or to be overly scrupulous. It’s just honest. God knows that I want my morning prayer time to be better, to be more whole, more human and more focused. And, He knows that I pray for that grace and resolve to do better the next time. The acknowledgement of the struggle is very, very healthy.
One strategy that helps to overcome digital distraction is the use of physical books- devotionals, spiritual classics and a physical Bible. Another is to avoid hiding your feelings about prayer from God. Tell Him about your struggle. Name it and offer it up to Him. Make a sincere act of faith and see what God does.
Are you honest about your prayer time? Are you noticing patterns that could be improved? Is something not working for you that needs to be put away?
An Act of Faith
Loving God, you know when I open my heart fully to you and when I put up a wall between us. Let me, just for today, bring my whole self to you, even if it’s imperfect. Build me up Jesus into a great saint, that I might consistently bring you my best, especially when I don’t feel like it.
The Difference Between Guilt and Shame
I’ve been on a quest over the last year to understand shame. A bit of backstory to explain this journey.
I first heard someone talk about shame a few years ago. In one ear and out the other. He talked about shame as something that could “self sabotage”. Again, no understanding on my end as ot what this meant. I ignored it and moved on. My mental block was wrapped up in guilt because, as a Catholic, I have an over abundance of it. If you’ve ever heard the word, “Catholic guilt”, it’s real.
We’re talking Varsity letter real.
Catholic guilt is that sense that you “have to” do something. Or, it can manifest in a spirit of “I couldn’t not do that”. Catholic guilt weaves in and out of a sense of duty, obligation and right living. Unfortunately, it can also become an unhealthy, heavy sense of obligation. Catholic guilt which is purely cultural and lacks a relationship with Jesus can lead a person right out of the Church.
Back to Shame
After hearing about shame theoretically, I then heard someone speak about it as if in a relationship with it. “It makes me feel ashamed,” or something to that effect. What did that mean? Could something or someone make someone feel ashamed? Finally, how was it different from guilt? It rattled me.
I turned to the expert in shame, Brene Brown and read Rising Strong. Brown talks about shame as something very different from guilt. (BTW, even if you’re not a fan of Brown’s work, her book covers are worth checking out; A+ for graphic design). It turns out that guilt and shame are very different things.
Guilt says, “I messed up”.
Shame says, “I am a mess up”.
Guilt says, “I feel badly because of something wrong that I did”.
Shame says, “I am bad because of something wrong that I did”.
Note the difference in these. Shame can grab hold of you like an addiction and not let go. Worse yet, it can trick you into thinking that you are destined to repeat bad things over and over again.
It’s also worth mentioning that popular culture has painted over both of these concepts with a cool rinse of relativism. In the quest to avoid all moral objectivity, culture will tell you that your wrong actions are just “bad choices”. Think of the parent who addresses her child who just stole a bag of chips from the store, “Don’t worry Bobby, you just made a bad choice.”
Please!
Some things really are wrong and each of us knows this deep down. So don’t believe what culture will tell you.
Back to Guilt and Shame
Here is where we bring the power of prayer to our understanding of guilt and shame. First, it’s valuable to practice three things when discerning guilt from shame:
A daily examen. That moment in your day when you look back and take stock of where you were in step with God.
Frequent confession. I’d recommend monthly or slightly more often if need be.
Spiritual direction. Again, monthly or every six weeks.
These three power-houses of reflection will go a long way. They will train your spiritual muscles, enabling you to tell when you are guilty versus when you are tempted to lean into shame.
Calling BS
In addition, we need to call BS on an over abundance of Catholic guilt. Enough already. Let’s be grownups and do our best to love Jesus and own our decisions. Pay attention to your words. Instead of “I have to” do something, try out “I choose to” do something. That simple shift will train your brain towards gratitude and personal responsibility.
Finally, let’s look shame in the eye and toss it aside. Shame, in its worst form, is pride. Shame tells you that God can’t overcome sin and that you’re doomed to screw up again and again. No thanks. Jesus, Lord of the universe, can kick the ass of any sin in your arsenal.
One Final Thought
If you’re dealing with a frequent cocktail of guilt and shame, talk to someone about it. Often, an objective, outside perspective can go a long way in terms of helping you sort out when you should feel guilty as opposed to giving in to shame.
Prayer Weeds
Weeds are a problem.
I recently hired some men to remove weeds from underneath my deck. The weeds had begun growing several feet, from the ground up and through the bottom of the deck. They had also begun to surround the deck, creeping up and around the edges and sides.
Not pretty.
The solution was clear: pull them out and kill them. No trimming was necessary. No clipping would do. Removal was the answer.
In Episode 6 of my podcast, Pausing for Prayer, I talked with Fr. Daniel O’Mullane, a pastor in New Jersey. We talked about spiritual dryness during prayer. I was asking partly for my audience but also for myself. I wanted to know more about the dynamics of dryness.
The saints knew much about this reality. St. Alphonsus Liguori said this, “This, then, is your answer whenever you feel tempted to stop praying because it seems to be a waste of time: ‘I am here to please God.’ ” Spiritual dryness can tempt us to avoid prayer, rush through it or resent it. Our frailty makes it hard to lovingly “push through” these times and yet, that’s what we are to do.
Back to the weeds.
“I am here to please God.”
I was noticing lately that my dryness was back. After a few weeks, I realized something important- some weeds had grown up in my morning prayer time and I was preferring them over the Lord Himself. Let me explain.
I will typically begin prayer with the Angelus followed by the reading of the day’s Gospel. From there, I will read a half a dozen Christian blogs and websites. What I realized was that I was breezing through the Bible reading and really desiring the blog and website reading.
When those were unsatisfying, I would mistakenly feel as if my morning prayer time was poor. This continued day after day. Finally I just blurted out to the Lord, “Can I just enjoy a quiet time already?”
The weeds needed to be removed. The Word was taking a back seat to the latest Christian news headline. I needed to choose the best wine, not just the cheap stuff in a box.
What weeds exist in your prayer life? What are you noticing that pulls you away from real prayer and time with the Word? How can you ask the Lord to refocus your time on Him and then find joy once again in prayer?
—
P.S. as you can see, my deck now looks much better!
What Do You Desire?
When prayer is difficult for you, there are any number of paths forward. Whether it’s free-form journaling (which I’ve covered here) or a change to your routine, there is always a new approach that you can try. As with working out, sometimes you need to mix it up.
Something that I’ve been using lately deals with desire. You’ve probably read the famous Merton prayer which seemingly every young person claims as an adolescent credo,
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following
your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen.
While I have such mixed feelings about Merton due to his late-in-life moral failings, this particular prayer has stayed with me. I think he was on to something.
Lately, feeling a bit stale with my stay-at-home morning routine, I’ve leaned on desire to talk with God. One morning it was like this, “Lord God, I’ve got nothing today. Nothing except a desire to pray, a desire to be happy, a desire to smile… desires.” Then from there, I listed my desires and it was as if something new sprang forth, “Lord, I desire virtue. I desire my family to be happy. I desire to have a good day. I desire to make a difference through my work. I desire to be a great husband and father. I desire holiness. I desire your Word. I desire silence.” And on and on it went.
This is not magic, as if just telling God your desires will make them come true. Rather, the articulation of desire is an expression of the heart. It’s an opening of who you are now and who you want to be. This wanting is a grace from the Lord- pay attention to it.
As Catholics have gone without the Eucharist for the past few months (due to the stay-at-home orders of Covid-19), the prayer for spiritual communion has been reintroduced. Note the emphasis on desire in the prayer,
My Jesus,
I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there
and unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.
Today, as you pray, pay attention to your desires. Let God know exactly what you desire from this day and in your life. This May unlock a greater desire for the Lord Himself and unite your desire with His.
The Podcast from Michael St. Pierre
My Personal Credo
The 7 Statements That Guide my Day
Several years ago I came across author Gretchen Rubin’s idea of having a personal set of “Commandments”. She discovered these over the course of several years and they seemed to provide a sort of framework for how she wanted to live.
“The nation doesn’t simply need what we have. It needs what we are.”
My first thought was, “that’s so nice for Gretchen but I don’t have a list and I am a Christian so that’s not possible for me.” Having the Ten Commandments and a dearth of Church teaching in the background felt like ‘enough’. Two other complications influenced my delay- I’m Catholic and a recovering perfectionist.
First, the Catholic part. You see, Catholics aren’t quick when it comes to making things up. We rely on the past, on precedent and on foundations of philosophy and theology. Making things up feels like something that other spiritual traditions do. As a result, this mindset (which isn’t always helpful) can delay innovation and stifle creativity.
As for the perfectionist part, this is a habit that can prevent action. Wanting to get things “just right”, the recovering perfectionist puts off doing things that seem scary. This was certainly the case for me, procrastinating my own creation of a personal list of commandments.
What finally prompted me to sit down and create my list?
Instability. In the summer of 2019, my family faced the real prospect of selling our home of 12 years in New Jersey and finding a new house in Bethlehem, PA. While only an hour west of us, this move brought with it a wave of uncertainties. Which house could we buy? Where would the kids go to school? Which church would we join?
The stress that comes with a house move is heavy. It certainly was for us as the time felt like it was slipping away. One house wasn’t selling and deadlines were approaching. It didn’t feel good and everything was up in the air.
Out of this came a strong desire for an anchor. While my morning prayer time was stable, I felt called to add a component- my own list of personal commandments. I remembered Rubin’s list and figured this was the time for me to put pen to paper.
Over the course of several weeks, the following list emerged and it’s stuck with me ever since:
• Be kind to yourself- I’ll choose to not beat myself up or be overly critical.
• Do your thing- I’ll choose to work hard and avoid worrying about what others might think.
• Forward in goodness- I’ll choose to assume the good in others.
• Choose happiness- I’ll choose to do things that contribute to a happy and holy life.
• It’s ok to linger- I’ll choose to stay with conversations and people for a bit longer than usual, avoiding rushing along.
• Imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm- I’ll choose to find the good in other people and in imperfect situations.
• Find your strength- I’ll choose to be direct, confident and strong.
How do I Use the Commandments?
“You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all.”
Quite simply, I read these commandments every day during my quiet time. By reading them and then pondering their meaning, they get seared into my brain. It’s always surprising, in a good way, when one of the statements comes back to me in the course of a busy day. I’ll be tempted to finish a conversation and move on to the next thing and then I’ll remember, “it’s ok to linger”. I might stay with that conversation for one more question and enjoy the other person’s company all the more.
Or, I might be tempted to get frustrated when a project isn’t moving as quickly as I would like. I’ll remember, “imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm”. Then, my entire mindset might change, giving myself permission to keep working amidst a slow-moving project.
What Effect Have they Had?
The commandments were uncovered and represent thoughts and concepts formed over many years. As a result, each one has tremendous meaning for me. When I read them each morning, they give me confidence and remind me that God wants a holy, happy and whole life for me. Each statement builds towards that. I’ve reviewed them with my spiritual director and gotten feedback on them. It sounds trite but I can say with confidence- they work for me.
How Can You Create Your Own List?
I have discovered seven commandments but you might have more or less. I would suggest asking God to show you concepts that are important to you and you alone. Write them down, sit with them and then revisit them a few days later. Your list may grow or become smaller over time. Let God do the revealing.
The hardest part will be to start and put thought to paper. Let God do the rest.
