The 7 Statements That Guide my Day
Several years ago I came across author Gretchen Rubin’s idea of having a personal set of “Commandments”. She discovered these over the course of several years and they seemed to provide a sort of framework for how she wanted to live.
“The nation doesn’t simply need what we have. It needs what we are.”
My first thought was, “that’s so nice for Gretchen but I don’t have a list and I am a Christian so that’s not possible for me.” Having the Ten Commandments and a dearth of Church teaching in the background felt like ‘enough’. Two other complications influenced my delay- I’m Catholic and a recovering perfectionist.
First, the Catholic part. You see, Catholics aren’t quick when it comes to making things up. We rely on the past, on precedent and on foundations of philosophy and theology. Making things up feels like something that other spiritual traditions do. As a result, this mindset (which isn’t always helpful) can delay innovation and stifle creativity.
As for the perfectionist part, this is a habit that can prevent action. Wanting to get things “just right”, the recovering perfectionist puts off doing things that seem scary. This was certainly the case for me, procrastinating my own creation of a personal list of commandments.
What finally prompted me to sit down and create my list?
Instability. In the summer of 2019, my family faced the real prospect of selling our home of 12 years in New Jersey and finding a new house in Bethlehem, PA. While only an hour west of us, this move brought with it a wave of uncertainties. Which house could we buy? Where would the kids go to school? Which church would we join?
The stress that comes with a house move is heavy. It certainly was for us as the time felt like it was slipping away. One house wasn’t selling and deadlines were approaching. It didn’t feel good and everything was up in the air.
Out of this came a strong desire for an anchor. While my morning prayer time was stable, I felt called to add a component- my own list of personal commandments. I remembered Rubin’s list and figured this was the time for me to put pen to paper.
Over the course of several weeks, the following list emerged and it’s stuck with me ever since:
• Be kind to yourself- I’ll choose to not beat myself up or be overly critical.
• Do your thing- I’ll choose to work hard and avoid worrying about what others might think.
• Forward in goodness- I’ll choose to assume the good in others.
• Choose happiness- I’ll choose to do things that contribute to a happy and holy life.
• It’s ok to linger- I’ll choose to stay with conversations and people for a bit longer than usual, avoiding rushing along.
• Imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm- I’ll choose to find the good in other people and in imperfect situations.
• Find your strength- I’ll choose to be direct, confident and strong.
How do I Use the Commandments?
“You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all.”
Quite simply, I read these commandments every day during my quiet time. By reading them and then pondering their meaning, they get seared into my brain. It’s always surprising, in a good way, when one of the statements comes back to me in the course of a busy day. I’ll be tempted to finish a conversation and move on to the next thing and then I’ll remember, “it’s ok to linger”. I might stay with that conversation for one more question and enjoy the other person’s company all the more.
Or, I might be tempted to get frustrated when a project isn’t moving as quickly as I would like. I’ll remember, “imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm”. Then, my entire mindset might change, giving myself permission to keep working amidst a slow-moving project.
What Effect Have they Had?
The commandments were uncovered and represent thoughts and concepts formed over many years. As a result, each one has tremendous meaning for me. When I read them each morning, they give me confidence and remind me that God wants a holy, happy and whole life for me. Each statement builds towards that. I’ve reviewed them with my spiritual director and gotten feedback on them. It sounds trite but I can say with confidence- they work for me.
How Can You Create Your Own List?
I have discovered seven commandments but you might have more or less. I would suggest asking God to show you concepts that are important to you and you alone. Write them down, sit with them and then revisit them a few days later. Your list may grow or become smaller over time. Let God do the revealing.
The hardest part will be to start and put thought to paper. Let God do the rest.
