A Definition of The Quiet Life

We’ve discussed the value of quiet living and the concept of the low information diet but what exactly is The Quiet Life? Rather than simply consuming less news, it can be defined as the following:

A posture towards life that embraces simplicity, sacramentality and intentionality while placing particular value on meaningful interaction with others. 

Now let’s break it down:

• A posture: quiet living isn’t a cause. It’s not political. It’s no false gospel. There are no t-shirts made from it (not yet at least). Rather, quiet living is an approach to life which both precedes action and responds to external stimuli.

• Simplicity: quiet living does not like complexity. The Quiet Life, in order to savor the rich, good things of life, needs to strip away the non-essentials and therefore cherishes simplicity in everything from one’s day to the food one eats.

• Sacramentality: quiet living embraces both the Sacraments and a sacramental view of everyday life. Frequent reception of the Eucharist and regular participation in Reconciliation are essential. One also sees all of creation as “usable” by God. This is consistent with the teaching of the Church.

• Intentionality: quiet living is on purpose. One doesn’t merely react to things but goes on offense, choosing how best to spend their time, money and energy.

• Meaningful interaction with others: instead of an addiction to pings, likes, updates and shares, one who practices quiet living seeks out face-to-face interactions with others. Rich conversations are savored. Instead of 5,000 “friends” on Facebook, five trusted friendships in real life will do.
  

Perhaps one of the best aspects of quiet living is that it’s completely free. Which aspect will you try out today?

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Enjoy the latest episode of Pausing for Prayer

Enjoy the latest episode of Pausing for Prayer

What’s Your Story When it Comes to Prayer?

You can’t go zero to sixty in a car in less than about five seconds. In case you don’t drive often, five seconds is very fast. Sports car stuff...

The average car? About 10-12 seconds.

Speed takes time to develop. Then, when momentum takes over, the car is moving at a brisk pace and watch out- before you know it, you’re speeding and see the blue lights in your rear-view mirror. Uh oh.

When it comes to prayer, most of this metaphor applies. We need time to build up momentum. Once we get going, thankfully, it’s no turning back and our prayer lives are really humming. As for the police, forget that part.

St. John of the Cross once said that you don’t become spiritually mature until you are at least 40 years old. As someone on the north side of 40, I read this with a smile. The older you are, the more wisdom you can attain.

I go to church all of the time. Several times a week. I hear my pastor and priests and deacons tell the congregation that we should add prayer to our tool belt of resources. I’ve never heard anyone disagree with this.  Makes sense right?

The problem, and it’s a big one, is that most of us don’t actually know how to pray. This is on two levels. On the surface level, everyone knows how to pray. You simply talk to God. No barriers, just communicate. St. Therese of Lisieux described it this way, “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” 

If you were comparing prayer to working out, this level is like the ability to go to the gym. Nearly everyone can go to the gym and do some stretches and enjoy some movement.

“For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.”

— St. Therese of Lisieux

On a deeper level, most of us don’t know how to pray regularly, daily and thus building spiritual momentum with God. This is in some ways, much harder.  Going back to the gym metaphor, this is like going to the gym daily- much harder.

This is the level that most of us struggle with. And back to the title of this post, this is the level that is critical for each of us to evaluate.  If we don’t do this, we might never be able to get to the deeper levels of intimacy with God.

What’s your story when it comes to prayer? 

Have you had one positive experience of praying? Where were you? What did it feel like? What was the after-effect?  When you think of that time of prayer, does it put a smile on your face?

On the flip side, have you had a “bad” experience of prayer? What was that like? Why did that frustrate you? How do you think that that particular experience of prayer has stayed with you?

I’ve been teaching people to pray for years. I find this step in the spiritual journey to be vitally important. Unless we pause and take stock of our prayer with God, we won’t grow closer to God. This is harder than it seems as many of us have had a desert-like journey when it comes to prayer. 

• Many of us feel like we don’t know how to pray.

• Many of us have never felt the presence of God.

• Many of us have never heard the voice of God.

• Many of us have never savored the healing touch of God.

And as a result, we stop praying. 

My message during Advent (and beyond): try prayer again. Try to get alone, away from the noise, and have a heart to heart with God. Try journaling (again) for the first time. Try going into a church and praying before the Blessed Sacrament when no one else is around. If you try, you will. If you don’t try, you won’t.

Then, do it tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. Before you know it, you will be having a quality prayer time with the Lord each day. This is where the good stuff happens. This is where God transforms us. This is where we become humble and put God first.

Simple right? I think so. Try it today. I think you’ll be glad you did.

Seven Ways to Avoid Distractions at Church

“I almost dropped her,” I told Cary after I had brought our newborn to Mass for the first time after her birth. There I was, devoted father and steady disciple of Christ, carrying my newborn around the periphery of Immaculate Conception Church in Clinton, NJ.

“Never address your words to God while you are thinking of something else.”

— St. Teresa of Avila

Unfortunately, Grace (daughter #1) squirmed - as kids do- and I almost dropped her on the hard (read “very hard”) marble floor. Thankfully I regained control of the situation and tried my best to focus on rest of Mass.

While this story might be extreme, it surfaces an issue that a lot of us have when we go to church- we can’t focus. Maybe it’s the child squirming in your lap, the football game later in the day, the annoying person in front of you who is checking his phone or whatever… there are plenty of distractions to go around.

This might seem normal but the costs are significant. For example:

• if you’re distracted you will likely not hear God’s Word proclaimed

• if you’re distracted your prayers will likely be half-hearted

• if you’re distracted you will be less present to those around you

• if you’re distracted you might have guilt over not being able to focus

“The way in which you can pray most fervently.”

— Bl. Jordan of Saxony

What are your distractions in church? For me, they are often in the space between my two ears. Thoughts creep in. I worry about things. Did I remember this or did I forget that…

So, as I like to do on this blog, I would like to suggest seven simple ways that you can banish distractions from your Sunday worship experience. Ready? Here goes:

1. Arrive 10 minutes early. This will allow you to get a good parking spot and avoid all sense of hurry.

2. Read the Gospel ahead of time. The night before or the morning of- either will do. When the deacon or priest finally proclaims the Gospel, you’ll be more engaged.

3. Sit far from doors or entry places. People walk through doors. Doors creak and squeak. Many people arrive late. You can avoid all of this by sitting closer to the front or just far away from any doorways.

4. Close your eyes. I wouldn’t suggest doing this for the entirety of Mass (injuries will follow) but you can certainly avoid distractions during the readings or even after Holy Communion by closing your eyeballs.

5. Read along with the readings. Pay attention to the words. Look for subtle things that you might have previously missed.

6. Silence your phone. This goes without saying. Even better- leave the darn thing in your car. The world won’t stop, really.

7. Make an act of thanksgiving after Mass is complete. I’ve only recently been doing this and it really works. While everyone else is barging out of church, seemingly in a hurry, you can simply kneel for 60 seconds and thank God. Ask Him to be with you during the day and to be able to offer your day back to Him.

Distractions will come. Life is like that. The key, as is often the case, is to counter the distractions with some simple techniques for staying focused. You can do this.

How to Find Quiet When Your Home is Full of Noise

Holy Week Series, Part I

For Christians, Holy Week is the most focused time of the year. I’ve heard this since I was a kid. The problem, if we can call it one, is that life still churns around us while we try to find solace in a seemingly ordinary week. 

But, as is often the case, we know that it is not ordinary. 

I’m wondering today about something quite simple- how do we find quiet underneath the noise? Underneath the churn, how do we walk differently during Holy Week?  I write these words from my basement. It’s morning and my teenagers are upstairs prepping their breakfast. They talk about the rain the night before while the coffee maker comes to life.

Noise. Beautiful noise. The ordinary sounds of a busy family. The churn. The dog rambles up the stairs, leaving me to my words. 

How do you find quiet when your home is full of noise? What you don’t do is eliminate the noise, unless of course you are a monk. That’s not the call for most of us. Rather, it’s about appreciating the facts around you and inviting the Lord into the churn. 

I get to listen to the sound of teenagers rustling around before their school day. I get to write in my journal. I get to consider how Holy Week is the most profound invitation of the year.  

Try inviting the Lord into the noise of your life this week. I suspect you’ll find him waiting for you there. 

The Real Benefit of Solitude

A recent podcast with Erik Fisher and Cal Newport brought to light the topic of solitude. Newport, the Georgetown professor and author of Deep Work cites Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership by Solitude by  Raymond R. Kethledge who describes solitude as “a subjective state in which you’re isolated from input from other minds”.

This makes sense. We’ve all been alone in a solitary way- you’re by yourself in a room and no one else is around. Some of us are more comfortable with this than others. Introverts in particular revel in this form of solitude- it’s a space to recharge.

There are other forms of solitude as well. Think about it- each of us can also relate to being alone but in the context of other people. You go for a run and see other people also working out, you find a coffee shop to do some work and see dozens of others walk in and out of the shop. This is a surprising sort of aloneness- alone but with others. Sort of an “alone togetherness”.

There’s alone by myself and alone in the context of others.

Newport’s point: rich solitude (i.e. “good” solitude) is that which is free from the influence of others’ minds. You’re alone, in one way or another, and free to think and pray on your own. You may be in public. You may be surrounded by hundreds of other people. Still, you have a sense of self, a space to think and pray on your own.

There is tremendous power in this. It applies very much to prayer.

The average person is quite busy. They have commitments and errands and places to be. I know that I do. Now consider the busy Christian- still running around but expected to be prayerful at the same time. This is where prayerfulness gets tested. I sat recently with a couple and their three young children. The wife, obviously a good mother, admitted that some days are just so full of this-and-thats that she forgets to pray.

I totally get it. Can you relate? 

The million dollar question emerges quickly enough: how do you maintain prayerfulness amidst a busy schedule? Or, in layman’s terms- how do you take your faith with you?

And here is where we apply Kethledge’s concept of solitude. The Christian, embedded in the world, is prayerful because they retain that sense of self while they are going about their day. They find moments of prayer because they have cultivated the muscle of returning to their source: their relationship with God. They know that God has loved them and grounds them in a profound sense of adoption. They bring solitude with them and then, when God-inspiration-faith strikes, they activate their solitude and reconvene with the Lord. 

This relationship with God “pops up” at various times during the day- a spontaneous thought, a recollection of something they read in the Scriptures, a vocal prayer that emerges. These are delightful and can be unexpected. The good news is that you can become a more prayerful person and these God-moments can become the norm rather than the exception. 

You really can practice a healthy solitude as a result of never being fully alone. God is always with you and you can revel in this truth. Now that puts new light on solitude.

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Seven Simple Ways to Sit Still

It’s not easy to sit still. Think about it. When was the last time that you sat comfortably and just looked out a window, day dreaming about something?

If you’re like most of us, the urge to check your phone can quickly overwhelm what might have been a quiet moment. That daydream? Out the window with another glance at Facebook or Instagram.

It may be deeper than this. Sure, we’re addicted to our smartphones. What if there are other things at play besides this?

In this post, we’ll examine the causes of our difficulty in sitting still for prayer. Then, we will map out seven simple ways to help you become an expert when it comes to sitting still.

The Causes

When you want to have a quiet time, it’s important to be able to sit still. No fidgeting. No distractions. This is of course, harder than it sounds. From my experience, there are four causes to our inability to sit still:

• Distraction: if you’re home alone, it’s much easier to sit still. If you’re in a church full of hundreds of people, not so much. If there’s a lot of noise around you, sitting still will be difficult.
• Access to gadgets: what’s close by? Is your phone in your hand? If so, you may be tempted to check your email quickly. Social media might be calling out your name. To the degree that your devices are within hand’s reach, you may find sitting still difficult.
• Lack of transitions: most of use need time to “ease into” prayer. Don’t assume that, just because you are trying to sit still, that it will come easily. In our solutions list (see below), I’ll help you with this.
• Fear: prayer involves vulnerability. When you go to sit still and have your quiet time with the Lord, you’re entering uncharted territory. God may speak to you. You may have a thought that is unformed. An inspiration may come to your heart. For most of us, this is scary.

With the causes of our discomfort with sitting still in hand, now we can turn to seven simple solutions (or ways) that will help you to sit still. This list is not meant to be exhaustive but purely practical. I personally use these “tricks” and believe me, they work!

The Solutions

1. Begin with a phrase. A transition phrase, even if said only in your head, can be a useful “nudge” into sitting still. Using the same phrase can trigger your brain and heart that you are entering into quiet time. I like to use the ancient formula, “O God come to my assistance, Lord make haste to help me.”
2. Notice your breathing. Just taking notice of your breath will let you know if you are anxious or calm. Pay attention to your body and begin to breath slowly and with intention.
3. Use a countdown. If sitting still is very (read, VERY) difficult for you, you may try to simply close your eyes and count down from ten to one. This has nothing to do with hypnosis and everything to do with calming your busy mind. There’s something about an old-fashioned countdown that contributes to a peaceful mind.
4. Set aside your devices. As Jesus says in Matthew 18:8, “If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.” Could the modern day “hand” be your iPhone? I’m not advocating for you to throw away an $800 device. I am saying that your smartphone is probably too tempting and should be set aside while you pray.
5. Use a journal. A journal is a powerful tool when it comes to sitting still. It helps get things out of your head. It maps progress. It lets you know that you are thinking through issues. It can be a way to write out your prayers.
6. Fix your eyes. Some of us benefit from a visual focal point when we pray. This may be a crucifix on the wall or an icon on a table in front of you. You might have a Rosary in your hands that you can look at. If you are a “visual prayer”, try to increase your ability to sit still with a focal point for your eyes.
7. Close your eyes. This may seem counter to #6 but there are just times when you need to close your eyes. I find this particularly true when I’m trying to pray in church or at a public event (i.e. a conference). Closing your eyes is an act of surrender to God, letting Him bring you deeper into intimacy and stillness.

For a bonus strategy, consider using your Bible as a tool for helping you to still still. A short passage can provide context for your quiet time. If you’re familiar with Lectio Divina, this technique can work quite well, making sense of a passage and integrating it into your prayer. It’s always a good idea to have a Bible close by when you are trying to sit still. 

You Can Do This

Sitting still isn’t easy. With some practice however, it is within reach. God desires a rich and fulfilling prayer life for each of us. By sitting still, you’re giving God the space he needs to transform your life and build confidence in your heart. You can do this. God can do this in you.

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