How to Avoid Sending Rude Emails

If the majority of communication is visual than email is a terrible vehicle for delivering a message. I'm surprised by how few young people use email but in the adult world of work, email is king.

The problem of course is that email tends to take up more and more room.  Let it grow and it will weigh on our psyche as well.  That's why inbox management is now at the level of the martial arts.

I told a group last year that the most vital thing they could do might be to clear out their inboxes.  They doubted the advice until a few months later a participant emailed me to thank me.  "I had no idea how important a clean inbox really was," he wrote.  Simple stuff.  Hard to do.

A Tale of Two Emails
Let's look at one email as interpreted two ways.

Sender: Hi Joe, wondering about your availability for Tuesday's budget meeting.

Responder: Not available.

Some might see this email as a quick reply to a brief inquiry.  Others might see it as downright rude.  I see this all of the time as "busy people" (are you one?) send missives to others, leaving the responders feeling as if they did something wrong to deserve such rudeness.

I recently sent out a meeting request to a group of important folks.  One person responded politely by explaining why he couldn't be there while another wrote back, "Cannot attend".  You can imagine which person is now a bit lower on my favorites list.

Whether you're trying to be rude or not, it's worthwhile to be nice in your emails.  How to do this?  Here are some suggestions:

• Use a salutation: "Dear" and "Hi" go a long way.  You don't need to create elaborate happy faces but acknowledging the other person as a person is vital.


• Be brief but pleasant: Don't be afraid to use a "Thanks Bill" or "Not a problem Susan" somewhere in your email.  Brief is good as long as you never forget to be pleasant.


• Ask: Could this be seen as rude?  Your best friend can probably absorb a super brief email back but very few others deserve the same treatment.

One final suggestion- if your email is so long that it takes you a while to type it, pick up the phone.  It still works just fine.

*photo by kbaird

Trends I'd Like to See in 2011: the Church

This is part I of III called "Trends I'd Like to See in 2011".  Today we'll look at things I'd love to see the Church (a word I use in a general sense) invest in more fully in 2011.

1. Mobile technology. With services like The Church App by Subsplash, why wouldn't churches want to have their own apps and take-on-the-road resources?


2. Use of online services. As a Catholic, I'm treading on thin ice here.  I'm not saying that online church services are a substitute for actually getting in your Ford and heading to "a" church but let's face it, Grandma has been watching church on TV for years.  Now the rest of the population is catching up and it's very cool.  LifeChurch seems to be way ahead of the curve on this and entire WordPress themes are being designed for the satellite campus-ing church in mind.


3. Mobile giving. If the Red Cross can raise millions via texting, surely the Church can leverage more of its wealth to help those in need.


4. Translating high-level teaching for The Average Joe. My dream is that every Catholic parish has someone who can translate papal encyclicals and statements from Bishops so that The Folks can understand them.  There is a lot of solid teaching coming out of the US Bishops Conference (as just one example) that literally no one will ever know about because it's not written in a way that can be easily digested.


5. Transparency regarding finances. Do I need to explain this?


6. Greater emphasis on the spiritual dimension of work. Here is one of my former posts on the matter.  With the Wall Street debacle of the past few years, has there ever been a better time to discuss how God is involved in work?


7. Stress management. We don't need more church activities.  What we do need is a pair of glasses through which we can make sense of the madness called stressful daily life.  Help us to turn off the noise and pray on a deep level.


8. Prayer that matters. Let's move beyond purely ritualistic praying and help people learn to pray on a deep and personal level.

The One Time Of Year When Stress Can Be A Blessing

Too many of us get sidetracked at Christmas.  There are just too many things to do.  Sadly, nearly all of us feel compelled to do each of them.  When a friend of mine told me that he was boycotting the sending of Christmas cards, I thought he was nuts.

From a productivity standpoint, I now think he's a genius.

The Christmas Card Paradox


Think of how much time is spent looking for (or in many cases, finding the right photo for) the "perfect" Christmas card.  Then get your addresses in order.  Mail them.  You have the correct postage?

This of course is reversed as the cards have been flooding your home for the past two weeks.  What do you do with them?  Keep them- if so, for how long?  Tape them up- if so, where?  To make it worse, you may even feel compelled to cut out some of the addresses that you'll want for next year's list.  Add that to your to-do list.

And we haven't even talked about the presents.  And holiday parties.  And decorations.

Making the Break

Imagine not having all of the effects of holiday stress.  It's possible but you've got to make a decision like my friend did.

As Tony Robbins says, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."  In other words, follow the holiday routines of the masses and your productivity will lag behind.

And your spiritual life too.

It's about focus, not on each and every thing but on the right things.  Colossians 3:2 says, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  The task at hand is then clear: focus on the important aspects of Christmas and leave the rest behind.

Focusing on the Truly Important

I know, some of you may be thinking that I'm putting Christmas down because of the stress it entails but hear me out.  Christmas is about Jesus the Christ being born into the world.  A baby who would one day grow up to be a man who would assume his role as the Savior.  He is at the very center of the "holidays".

It's not the cards or the parties or those quirky lights.  It's about Jesus.

I suppose the benefit of all of the craziness surrounding Christmas is actually a good thing.  As the Exsultet prayer on the eve of Easter declares sin a a "happy fault", maybe the holiday stress is a gift as well.

The Gift of Christmas Stress

The next time you receive a Christmas card, don't feel obliged to send one back.  Pray for the sender instead.

The next time you are invited to a party and cannot attend, don't feel guilty.  If you could, you would so relax.

The next time you give a gift and it wasn't "perfect", remember that it's the thought that counts.  If all gifts had to be perfect, very few of us would score well on the exam.

By focusing on Jesus, all of these holiday traditions take on new meaning.  Be good to yourself this Christmas.  Take a quiet walk to clear your head.  Read your Bible.  Call someone who is lonely.  Take a nap.  Leave the stress behind and embrace the One who makes Christmas possible.

"So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them."

Luke 2:4-7


*Photo by theogeo

The One Thing a Real Leader Must Do

I recently attended two elementary school events.  At one, the pastor spoke before and after the event, even leading the crowd in a full-scale rendition of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas".  At the other, the leader was no where to be found, opting instead to attend another commitment and send a proxy representative.

The impact of the first leader: a community that felt both at ease and confident in their future.

The impact of the second leader: a community that felt abandoned and confused, wondering where their leader was on the night of an important event.

The lesson is simple- leaders need to practice what is commonly known as the Ministry of Presence.  In other words- show up and leave the rest to God.  Strangely, many people who rise to the top forget that people are watching.

Stanford professor Bob Sutton talks about this in his book, Good Boss, Bad Boss: How to be the Best and Learn from the Worst.  I once worked for someone like this.  She took tons of days off and seemed to feel that no rules applied to her.  The rest of us were left wondering if this was what real leadership was supposed to look like.

The great leaders I have known have managed to balance two important (even essential) qualities: humility and an understanding of the community's need for strong leadership.  Unfortunately, some confuse humility with meakness but I like the definition of Vincentian missionary Fr. Thomas Judge who said, "Humility is truth."

What Fr. Judge was saying is simple enough: accept who you are and thank God for the ability to lead.  If you are funny and someone tells you so, say thank you and be glad that you're not boring and dull.  If you are attractive and someone pays you a compliment, smile and thank them, knowing on the inside that God blessed you with good looks.  Hey, it could be worse.

Instead of faking false humility and clinging to the back wall so that you can "empower others to lead", accept your role as leader.  People want you to be present and authentic and visible.  As Michael Hyatt says, "Real leaders go first." It took me a long time to understand this as I used to sit in the back of organization meetings, not wanting to be seen as the "fat cat" who got special privileges.  This was false humility which is only pride in disguise.

The fact is this: leaders need to be seen by their community at particular moments. Here are but a few moments:

• Major community events: whether it's the Christmas pageant or the annual company Bar-B-Q, leaders need to be seen.  Work the crowd, sit where people can see you and be friendly.  You can do that, right?


• Moments of crisis: When someone dies, is in the midst of tragedy or is struggling with crisis, a good leader enters into the situation and responds appropriately.  He doesn't do too much or too little but he does show up.  Written notes and phone calls are also critical factors for a leader's success.  In an age of email and texting, nothing beats a nice handwritten note.


• Moments of service: Here's what I call The Trash Test of Leadership.  No leader is above taking out the trash, moving a table or helping with a seemingly basic task.


• Moments of the mundane: From holding open a door to answering a phone, leaders don't shy away from the smallest of duties.  They balance this with an incredible ability to delegate.  It's an art form to be sure.

All of this adds up to something profound: there's little room at the top for shy leaders.  You can be quiet, reserved and thoughtful but there is still one thing you must do.

Show up.

*Photo by poptech

The Surest Way to Stay Encouraged

In the New Testament, Barnabas is called the "son of encouragement".  While this famous first century individual left his mark on Christendom, it's his father who fascinates me.

Imagine being known for the level of encouragement that you give to others?  That's truly remarkable in an age where we, as fathers, look more to the material blessings for our children than their spiritual legacy.

To a leader, encouragement is like water for a starving traveler.  A little goes a long way. The key is to surround yourself with those that can anticipate your need for a pick-me-up.  How do you do this?  Here are some tips:

• Hire "wisdom people". Sure, you need the movers and shakers.  The go getters.  The change agents.  But you also need those who can speak wisdom into an organization.  I'm blessed to have two older people on our team, Fran and Kevin, who pull me aside and speak wisdom into my leadership and into the organization.


• Listen to the advice of those who've been there and done that. Once you have a few wisdom people around you, go to them for advice and direction.  Take what they say to heart.  Nothing is more valuable than experience and if they have what you don't, listen intently to what they have to say.


• Don't be bashful in admitting your need for encouragement. Leadership is tough and every leader I know needs encouragement to counteract the negatives of work.  It's not ignoble to seek encouragement.  You don't have to post an ad in the paper looking for it.  Your "seeking" might be in the form of a phone call, an email or even a text.  The wisdom people around you will sense your need and offer what they can to pick you up.

How are you surrounding yourself with "sons of encouragement"?

*photo by kikiphotos

Your Least Favorite Day of the Week?

Which day do you dread each week?

Some would say Mondays.  After all, the stress of work shocks most people out of their weekend leisure.  For others, the mid-week grind of Wednesday is least favorite.

For me, it's Tuesday. Each week, I pump myself up on Sunday night, readying for the strain of the week.  It starts at around Sunday lunchtime.  The feeling of dread and sadness.  As I pour myself into my work each week, I know that I lose a little of myself each week.  That's why the sadness comes and visits me each Sunday.  I greet it and have learned to accept it.  As an introvert, I don't particularly enjoy being in the spotlight from Monday-Friday so I have to ready myself for the challenges that each week brings.

By Monday morning, I'm ready to rock and roll.  The day is usually smooth as the table is set for the rest of the week.

It's Tuesday that I struggle with.  It's like a letdown of sorts.  All of that psychic energy into the front bookend of the week leaves Tuesday to pick up the pieces.

Whatever day you struggle with, here are some suggestions as to dealing with it:

• Change up your schedule. Arrive early or show up late.  Take an alternate route to work.  These small changes can make a huge difference.


• Give yourself permission to be less than 100%. This sounds counterintuitive but it works.  By giving yourself a green light to not be obsessed with high performance for one day a week, you may actually be improving your productivity.


• Build your week around your best days. When you can identify the day (hopefully not days!) that is least favorite, you can then put more emphasis on the stronger days.  This will allow for better spaces for tough meetings and higher level tasks.

Which day do you least enjoy each week?

*photo by pouwerkerk