Getting Back to "Normal" After Tragedy Strikes

Here in NJ, our world has been turned upside down by several tragic events.  In the Gulf area, residents are feeling the same way only due to the oil spill and its countless side effects.  It's very normal to be shaken up, disoriented and even depressed.  The key is to press through that stage into some form of normal.

This journey, however is not an easy one.  It is deeply spiritual as it will test the very depths of a person's character and will invite them to call on God for help.  Here are some suggestions for getting back to normal:

1. Surround yourself with support. By phone, in person or online, seek those who will love you and support you in your grief.  Even if your grief feels small, it's important to talk it through with someone who has "been there and done that".  Facebook, with all of its shortcomings, is very effective for this as a Fan Page or Group can spring up in hours with literally thousands of supporters.


2. Maintain good eating, sleeping and grooming habits. Rather than turn to alcohol or other stimulants, maintaining good eating habits and getting enough sleep are both critical to this process.  Give yourself permission to rest, taking care of yourself and keeping your living space in good working condition.


3. Go to places of order. Psychologists tell us that supermarkets and department stores are effective places for those seeking order.  Have you ever noticed that you don't even think when you go to the market?  That's because you know where everything is and in a time of tragedy, these places are of value.  Whether you need some items or not, markets are helpful places in times of tragedy.


4. Allow yourself to "resume" life. Many times we don't want to resume normalcy during or after a time of tragedy.  We feel as if we should still be sad or be in desperation.  Give yourself permission to get back to work, do the things you did before tragedy struck and resume normalcy.


5. Prepare for the unexpected. Know that a moment will come, when you don't expect it, that will shake you up and remind you of tragedy and loss.  This is where prayer comes in so that you can anticipate painful reminders of loss that will occur in the future.  Colossians 1:24 says, "Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church."

Jesus knows what tragedy is all about and is at the side of all suffering throughout the world.  Calling on Him in prayer is key when you are trying to resume normalcy so that life can go on.

*photo by skpy

Introverts and Prayer

One of the best "blog finds" of the past year has been The Introverted Leader Blog.  This is helpful for those of us who are introverts but also for those who manage anyone- you're going to find an introvert around just about every corner.  Learning to work with them is essential.  They are wired differently than extroverts.

For introverts, prayer is especially important for this reason- they rely on a careful balance between action and then solitude.  Action and solitude.  Action and solitude.  It's a cycle that strong introverts are committed to restore on a consistent basis.

Look around- who is practicing this balance better than others?  What can you learn from them?

The Challenge of Contemporary Leaders

"The challenge of contemporary leaders is to honor both the need for solitude and engagement."  Delores Leckey

The degree to which a leader maintains wellness is often what separates him/her from those who burn out.  One of my spiritual heroes, Fr. Thomas Judge, a Vincentian priest from Boston who died in 1933 literally passed away from overwork.  It's something that has always bothered me about him.  Sadly, he's not alone when it comes to those who lack balance in their lives.

What can you do today to nurture both quiet and noise?  How can you maintain a level of solitude- can you go for a walk, put on some headphones or close the door?  Just as importantly, how can your engagement with others be just as satisfying?

At the end of the day, the age-old Benedictine mantra of pray and work is just as relevant as ever.

*photo by anoldent

Give Yourself Permission

Do you ever feel guilty about things you're doing or even not doing?  The impetus could be related to your diet, your lifestyle, your use of money.  The key question is this: is guilt really a productive response?

In most cases the answer is no.  Guilt is sometimes a result of doing something truly wrong.  Unfortunately, it can also be a false sign of over-concern for what others think about you.  And that spells a big fat waste of time.

Let me explain.  If you earn a good salary and can afford a decent car but feel guilty about it every time you sit in the driver's seat, it's either a symptom of a conscience that's right on the money or an over-scrupulous mindset that is worrying more about what others think about you.

This could also apply to the area of time management.  Suppose you actually put your family first (as promoted even by the management gurus at Manager Tools) and leave work at a reasonable time but still feel guilty.  Leave that emotion at the door and enjoy your kids.  If someone else doesn't appreciate your sense of priorities it's actually their problem, not yours.

The spiritual life is not immune to these kinds of internal debates.  Rather than beat yourself up over spending 15 minutes in prayer to start your day rather than an hour, be thankful that you're setting the stage for a great day with God in mind.  Most people drag themselves out of bed and then head to work without even thinking about God.

Two final thoughts.  Pastor Rick Warren has often said that he felt much freer when he accepted the fact that people were always disappointed with him. As a famous pastor, someone was always upset with him. Someone always wanted a better sermon, more time with sick congregants, more public speeches.  When he just accepted that reality, life got easier.

I can relate to this as a school leader.  If I get to work too early, I'm obsessed with work.  If I get to work too late, I'm lazy.  If I delegate too much, I'm too hands off.  If I don't delegate enough, I'm a micromanager.  You can't win if you're only concerned with what others think of you.  Michael Hyatt has this to share about what the Bible says about leadership and delegation.

If you're always living for those who want more from you, you might be missing some key moments under your nose.  On the flip side, living with purpose is immensely wise.  As Rick Warren says, "There are three ways you can live your life. You can waste it. You can spend it. Or you can invest it. We call those who waste their livesfoolish. We call those who spend their lives average. We call those who invest their lives leaders." (Ministry Toolbox)

In closing, let me add that it's a good idea to give yourself permission to be imperfect.  As author Dan Pink notes in The Adventures of Johnny Bunko, momentum trumps talent.  Cultivate a good day which then leads to other good days and you'll end up with a pretty impressive track record.

As a follow up, I'm posting one of Dan's talks on the topic of motivation- enjoy!



*photo by SIR poseyal

How Much Margin do You Have?

I've been listening to this series called "Margin".  Really gets you thinking about the rat race that perpetuates itself in American culture.  More errands, more stuff, more appointments can ultimately lead to less of everything.

How can you build in more room for slowing down?  Areas might include margin in the following areas:

• Your daily schedule


• Your quiet time with God


• Your commute


• Your conversation with your spouse and kids


• Your physical wellbeing

If you do nothing more today, do this: stop hurrying and slow down.  Breathe and pray for the grace to focus on what matters.  It just might make all the difference.

How Many Broken Things Do You Tolerate?

Last week it hit me- I tolerate broken things.  It might be a result of working in ministry or in being trained to take the long view.  It might be a result of human sinfulness which then produces imperfection.  Whatever it's from, brokenness is all around.

What's on my list of broken things?

• The downstairs wallpaper in the hall that is peeling in one corner


• The side door in my wife's van


• The right closet door in one of our bedrooms


• The drain thingee in the upstairs bathroom


• The dash mount for my GPS

And I could go on and on.  Three interesting observations here-

1. I admittedly tolerate these broken things, walking by them every day. The more I walk by, the less they bother me.


2. Each one is on a list, waiting to be addressed at some point in the future. Some I can fix on my own and others just vex me.  No one has mistaken me (lately) for Bob Vila.  I'm OK with that.


3. You'll notice that these are "at home" items. When I'm at work, I have a full support team that can fix just about anything.  There are some perks to being the head chief.

So how do I press on, surrounded by such imperfection?  It could be my wonderful wife and adorable children who keep me grounded.  It could be that my list takes time to come to fruition, after all there are only 24 hours in a day.  It could be that I acknowledge as a person of faith that our world is imperfect and I am a part of it.  I suppose it's a lot of things.

How much brokenness do you tolerate?

*Photo by DavidDoctorRose