That One Little Thing You Can Do in the Middle of Winter

It's mid winter as I'm writing this.  The days are long, the darkness begins and ends our workdays.  People get sick and cranky.  If you live in the Northeast like I do, it's an especially "blue" time of year.  

So what can you do about it?  

Rather than think of a "whole life makeover" or something to that effect, let's aim smaller. It's not that I'm against big life stuff but most of us shut down when we are faced with an infomercial about fitness or success.  We want it, to be sure, but we aren't sure how to get there.  My own motivation in the winter goes way down and the temptation to be lazy goes way up.   

I'm haunted though by David Whyte's famous quote, "The antidote to burnout isn't more rest but wholeheartedness".  It's actually become a bit of a mantra for me for 2015. 

How does Whyte's perspective apply to me, to you, to anyone, in the heart of winter? 

First, it's a reminder that God wants our faithfulness, often to ordinary and small things.  Perfection is good (that's a bit of an oxymoron) but faithfulness may be better.  

Faithfulness shows up when you want to rest and your child needs you.  

Faithfulness shows up with you are inclined to ignore someone else and you are nudged to help them.  

Faithfulness appears when you go the extra mile when a half mile would have been sufficient. 

Whyte's quote is also about little things that just might make a difference in the heart of winter.  Here's what you can do to push back on winter's pull: do something small today that is good, renewing and life giving. Enjoy something good.  Savor something of value.  Engage in something different.  Break away from monotony and enter into something that truly matters.   

Your one little thing might be a different way to work.  Or, it might be a word of encouragement to someone in need.  Finally, it might be a long overdue nap in the middle of the day.  Find your one little thing today and I think you'll be surprised at how powerful it can be.  Often, little things teach us about faithfulness and wholeheartedness.  Save the "whole life makeover" for another time... instead go for one little thing at a time. 

What's the one little thing you can do today to push back on winter? 

How to Avoid Wishing You Were Somewhere Else

Most of us wish we were somewhere else.  I suppose I've met a few holy ones that were content with their current state of affairs but not too many.

One individual was Brother Martin, a Missionary Servant Brother who lives at the Shrine of St. Joseph in Stirling, NJ.  For a visit and more information, visit www.stshrine.org. I was walking along one of the sidewalks to the Shrine one Sunday and it began to rain.  

Making a face of displeasure I said to Brother, "Oh no, looks like rain!"  He smiled his 90+ year old smile and said, "That's ok.  So it's going to rain..."  I was struck with his sheer acceptance of the weather.   

His acceptance changed how I look at rain, and just about everything else I guess.  So it was going to rain. What's the big deal?   

Brother Martin accepted a simple thing like rain as if it were sacramental.  He didn't wish it were snowing or sunny.  The rain was ok in that given moment. 

What's ok in your life right now?   

Is your job ok?  How about your home?  Your car?  Your spouse and kids?  Your income? 

If we're honest, many of us wish we were somewhere else.  We long for jobs we don't yet have, for homes we can't afford, for vacations that have yet to come and on and on it goes. 

Here's the thing- if we believe that God has a) a plan and b) a presence in every moment of every day then this very moment matters.  It matters a lot.  

I'm writing this blog post and fighting the urge to plan out the rest of my day.   I'm fighting the urge to feel badly for having the day off (thank you Martin Luther King, JR!).  I'm trying to avoid watching my neighbors head off to work as they drive by outside.  

Most of all, I'm trying to be fully here, in this moment so that I can learn from it and give my very best to my readers.  If I can pull it off, that's quite a gift to pass along. 

If you're at a place in your life and wishing it were different, that's ok.  It might be God whispering something into your heart, nudging you towards growth or change.  Or, it might be an opportunity to slow down, look people in the eye and enjoy the place you are in.   

How to be Wholehearted

There is no shortage of advice for achieving "more" in the new year.  Brian Tracy has his "4 tips" while Mike Hyatt has his "5 days" program to supposedly the best year ever.  

I've got one bit of advice and I'm preaching to myself on this one: be wholehearted.

No fitness goals.  No spiritual aspirations.  No financial resolutions.  Just to be where I am, that is to say, to be wholehearted.  Don't get me wrong, I'll be listing some very simple strategies for the various areas of my life, from money to time to muscles.  

But where my heart is- that's what I'm really concerned with.

“The antidote to exhaustion is not rest but wholeheartedness. ”

— David Whyte

This past weekend was stellar.  At one point, sitting with my 8 year old in the corner of the living room, I looked up to find her reading me a story, my 14 year old wrapping a gift in the middle of the room and my 11 year old playing Minecraft on a laptop.  I had to pinch myself in gratitude for the amazing and many gifts in my everyday life. Who am I that I "get" to be a dad, a husband, a school leader, a Christian?  

I was wholehearted (or, "all there") for at least a few moments.  They felt like many more.

Why is wholeheartedness so difficult to achieve?  Here are my guesses:

• Our plates are overly full
• Our time is often scarce
• We're tired
• Our margin is thin
• We have smartphones
• We get bored too easily
• Culture preaches "busyness" above singlemindedness
• Work promotes multitasking

But here's the thing with each of these: they may slow us down but they can be managed such that wholeheartedness is practiced almost daily.  

Many people have found that wholeheartedness is found by doing (or not doing) the following:

1. Unplugging from technology periodically.
2. Owning fewer things.
3. Giving things away (time, stuff, money, service).
4. Being prayerful and especially at the beginning of the day.
5. Being part of a faith community that worships weekly.
6. Reading.  Anything all the way through.
7. Playing sports.
8. Creating art.
9. Allowing for downtime.
10. Enjoying nature.
11. Cooking and eating mindfully.
12. And in general, slowing down.

That's it.  Simple when you think of it- none of the 12 actions above cost much.  Better yet, you can practice at least a few of them within the next 24 hours.  

While most people think of wholeheartedness as a passive state of doing very little, just look at the action verbs found within each of the 12 suggestions: slowing, cooking, eating, enjoying, creating, and so on.  Pretty active when you think of it.  This is the paradox of being wholehearted: by being fully present, we can do so many things that lead to a fuller life.

I'm going to try it out and I hope that you will too.  It's ok to set some goals for the new year but don't forget that being fully present to those things and people around you is also a noble aspiration.

So here's to being wholehearted in 2015 and beyond!

*photo courtesy of fdp

A Simple Technique for Gift Giving and Receiving

What do you do when you have enough stuff?  Or, how about more than enough stuff?

In this post, I'll share one ultra-simple countermeasure for a gentle push back on the holiday press for more stuff.

If you're wondering if there is an ideal time to buy something for Christmas or any other holiday, turns out you can actually pinpoint the best day to do so.  Or, if you're a parent looking for the absolute best day to find a toy, turns out that December 16 is historically that day.  Who knew?

The catch is this- what if you don't want those new purchases to clutter up your home?  

Now is a great time of year, Advent- a season of waiting and anticipation, focusing on what really matters.  I find that the "stuff" of the season can add up and eventually produce unwanted clutter.  Joshua Becker suggests a different way, that of minimalism, “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.”  

Easier said than done.

Many of us will bring home more stuff in the days leading up to Christmas.  Boxes, bags and gifty sorts of things.  It's all good until it isn't.  My son just handed me an elaborate list of things that he'd like for Christmas including the price range of each item on Amazon.com.  Not that I was any different as a kid but it challenged me to stop, pause and try to provide a glimmer of education.  "You know that Advent is really about our relationship with God, right?  It's not about the stuff when you think about it."  I think I was convincing but did the message really stick?  

It did until the next Walmart commercial came on in the middle of the Patriots game.

I suggest one super simple technique and it's one that I use with my own kids (lists or not).  They may not like it but it does work in terms of helping them understand the value of material goods.  When you get something new, give something old away.  

That's it.  Get something, give something.  

You can do this by re-gifting something but be careful on that front.  Or, you can simply donate it to charity where someone else can really put it to good use.  Giving things away is good for you, says Seth Godin, 

"Gifts have to be truly given, not given in anticipation of a repayment. True gifts are part of being in a community and part of being an artist.  Plus, giving a gift feels good." (Click here to read what else he has to say about gifting)

Whether you're reading this in December or at any other time of the year, the get something/give something technique works every time.  It helps you to stay focused on the more important things in life like the act of giving rather than the gift itself.  It enables you to detach from stuff one item at a time.

What will you give away this December?

Imagine a Different Kind of December

We've survived Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday is here. Are you ready for the hustle and bustle of December?

In our home, we have three birthdays in December so by the time we hit Christmas, it's a bit of a relief.  We feel as if we've "made it" and survived a very full season.  Throw in youth basketball and we're toast.

No matter what's on your plate in December, you'll want to do one simple thing in order to counter the seasonal stress:

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO SLOW DOWN.

You don't have to max out your credit cards.  You don't have to attend every holiday party.  You don't have to stress over gifts and malls and Amazon.com.  You don't have to do anything really.  
Be brave, be bold and enter into Christmas with a clear mind and a peaceful heart.

Those are, after all, two of the greatest blessings of Christmas.  A different kind of December is possible but it won't create itself.  You'll have to be the one to step up and do something differently in terms of your gift giving, time management and overall approach to Christmas.

What I Learned from Catalyst Conference 2014

Oh my.  

That's what I told friends and colleagues who checked in on me during my three days in Atlanta for the annual Catalyst Conference.  

I had been to one of the Catalyst One Day events years ago (awesome) and I listen to the Catalyst podcast each week (entertaining).  Still, I had never taken in the full experience at their multi-day October event held at the Gwynnet Center in Atlanta.  

Here's the 2 minute recap of the event:

Catch all of our favorite highlights from Catalyst Atlanta 2014!

Catalyst is, for my money, the leading Christian organization dedicated to leadership development.  Their series of conferences are quite simply outstanding.  High quality, loads of energy and tons of young(er) leaders.  

Some of my takeaways were as follows:

1. Energetic people are fun to be around.  I met people from Canada, Hong Kong, Kentucky and everywhere in between.  Pentecostal, Evangelical, Episcopalian... pretty much every stripe of Christian you could imagine.  One person was nicer than the next.
2. One speaker was better than the next.  From Andy Stanley to Carl Lentz to Matt Chandler- Catalyst brings out the A List of Christian speakers and they all rocked the house.
3. Themes matter.  This year's theme was "Change Maker" and it was emphasized often.  Not corny, just effective.
4. Food matters.  I didn't think that food trucks were exciting until I saw them pull up each day for lunch.  Sushi in Atlanta is delicious.
5. Nothing tacky.  There were no plastic statues of Jesus for sale.  No glow in the dark rosaries.   Plenty of books for sale but nothing tacky.
6. Humor is important.  From the Tripp and Tyler sketches to old fashioned humor within speeches, we laughed until our sides hurt.  
7. The venue is important.  The facility was convenient, the seating was comfortable and there wasn't a bad seat in the house.  I'd say there were about 8,000 of us.  
8. No holds barred.  One speaker after the next encouraged us and challenged us to follow Christ every day and to share the message of the Gospel with those we meet.  
9. There's no substitute for high-quality music.  When Matt Redman is the equivalent to the "house band", you know you're in for a treat.  We sang and sang some more.  Every Catholic parish should send someone to Catalyst to see what a difference high-quality music makes.  
10. My spirit feels new.  I'm coming back to Jersey feeling renewed.  You can't ask for much more than that.  

The only question I have is this- will you attend Catalyst next year?