When a Leader You Know Falls from Grace

It happens to all of us at some point.

We know someone who falls.  I'm not talking about Tiger Woods or former HP exec Mark Hurd although both suffered terribly as a result of the choices they made.

No, I'm talking about the people that you and I know, the "folks" as Bill O'Reilly likes to call them.  The people who do their own grocery shopping.  Those that are on the sidelines at their kid's soccer game.  The ones who know exactly how much their mortgage payment is.

The regular people like you and me. And it hurts to see one of them suffer a personal or professional fall from grace.

Last week, President Obama commented on the many "falls" he witnessed as Republicans took control of the House and many Democrats were shown the door.  When asked how he felt to see friends lose their jobs, he said

“The toughest thing over the last couple of days is seeing really terrific public servants not have the opportunity to serve anymore, at least in the short term.”

These are the kinds of falls that can only be considered falls by association.  Many disliked the President and thus lumped in other Democrats with the President on election day.

It's the other kind of fall that hurts the most.  A personal fall due to a lack of judgment and it happens all of the time.  These include but aren't limited to:

• Improper use of funds


• Addiction


• Infidelity


• Reckless lifestyle


• Dishonesty through spoken word

And many more.  Many times, these start as small actions which then replicate.  Over time, they create a body of work that then results in scandal and true fall from power.  So what can you do when someone you know falls from grace?  Here are a few suggestions:

1. Talk about it. With your friends and family and with those in the organization, talk about it.  Help people emote and express what they feel.  Create ways for people to process what's happened.  They're talking about it anyway so why not join the conversation and help others process in a constructive way?


2. Encourage the person you know. Through a personal note, an email or simply through prayer, encourage your friend in the time of greatest need.  You're not condoning their behavior, simply acknowledging their humanity.


3. Help the organization deal with the Elephant in the Room. By precise communication and honest assessment of what's happened, you can help your organization deal with what's happened.  The key is to not ignore the incident(s) but to deal with them in a thoughtful way.  Everyone is talking about it so the last thing you want to do is be seen as someone who is ignoring the Elephant in the Room.


4. Ensure that it never happens again. As money is often involved in scandal, it's critical to ensure that a thorough evaluation takes place of company protocols.  If technology is involved, proper firewalls and policies are vital to protect the company and everyone within the organization.  Finally, a solemn pledge with the key decision makers is helpful in order to tell the world that what occurred will not happen again.


5. Refocus on what's truly important. A friend of mine recently had to leave his post in scandal.  We all feel badly for him and yet his poor decisions do allow the rest of us to focus on what's really important in our faith and in the organization.  In the Christian world, we get hung up on leaders when we should be focus on Christ.

What have you found to be helpful when someone you know falls from grace?

*Photo by markgoodwin

The Power of a Good Apology

2010 has been like an episode of Men Behaving Badly.  Famous men doing terrible things.  Each time, we wait for an apology and then wage our bets to see if words can make up for bad behavior.

• We've seen Jesse James say he's sorry for cheating on wife Sandra Bullock.  She's now left him for good.

• Now ousted-CEO Tony Hayward of BP had this to say before Congress in June, referring to the explosion and subsequent sinking of the Deepwater Horizon rig, "They never should have happened -- and I am deeply sorry that they did...My sadness has   only grown as the disaster continues."

• We could too-easily reference Tiger Woods' famous apology to his wife and family for a pattern of infidelity.  The press conference included friends and family at his side but not his wife or children.

In each case, lives have been ruined and moments of self-centered behavior have led to untold pain.  We feel like rubber-neckers who are driving by accidents on the freeway.  I've even found myself asking, "Don't they realize the pain they're causing?"  Apparently not.

Here are some observations about the power of a good apology:

1. To apologize is to be human. No one is above or exempt from saying they're sorry.  I recently neglected an important anniversary in the lives of two people I love very much.  No excuses could be made and a deep and enduring apology ensued.  I felt awful.


2. To go beyond it, own it. This involves deep introspection and you have to reach a point where you look in the mirror and admit that at least part of the problem is, well, you.  Own it and move on.  Accept full responsibility- it's the only way.


3. Follow up with concrete actions. A personal note, flowers, gifts, and more are all good starts but it will take much more to amend a wrong committed against someone else.  This could take weeks or even years.

Through all of this, the wise perspective of Stephen Covey still holds true,

"Remember the emotional bank account—similar to a bank account, you can make deposits or withdrawals from each of your family relationships. Make a conscious effort to make meaningful deposits in your relationships. When you make a withdrawal, apologize and correct the mistake."

As you go through your week, starting each day with some devotional time, focus on being fully present where you are.  This is truly "practicing the presence of God" and will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and honest life.

*Photo by Dave Keeshan

Performance Reviews & Spirituality

It's that time of year, at least in schools across America.  Performance reviews mark the end of an academic year and they often strike fear into the hearts of many.

This is often due to the fact that many academic managers (i.e. department chairs, principals, etc.) are not trained at the art of doing reviews in a helpful way.  They often use an outdated form that feels too sterile to be helpful on any kind of human level. Many are also afraid to be brutally honest with employees.

In schools, this lack of honesty has led to major problems.  It prolongs the working "life span" of a bad teacher and in academia, the longer you keep someone, the harder it is to fire them.  Consider the case of New York City, where it's nearly impossible to fire a teacher. I'm not kidding.

So what can you do to make reviews helpful on a deep level?  Here are some recommendations:

1. Use more than one. It's not fair to only have one review.  Imagine if you were judged on one moment in time- you want to look for a body of work.


2. Include a self evaluation that each employee must do. To get the conversation going, I like to invite employees to do a self evaluation as part of the process.  Self reflection going a long way.


3. Be honest even when it hurts. Don't candy-coat things. Be charitable and honest.  People will respect you more when you are honest.  It may hurt initially but they'll thank you later.


4. Work on strengths. As Marcus Buckingham says, "The best strategy for building a competitive organization is to help individuals  become more of who they are."  Most people can change a little but not more than that.  Focus on what they are good at and try to replicate that success in other corners of their job.  This is not about self esteem but about building strength literally within a person.


5. Talk about the spirituality of work. If we really believe that there is a spiritual side to work, talk about it.  When did you tap into this?  When do you feel least spiritual?  How is God using you at work?  For those in a secular workplace, you could substitute this with an honest conversation about mission, vision and goals.

One final thought- always be prepared. Never walk into a review without a gameplan and try not to surprise someone.  Results are best found when two people are on the same page.

*photo by epistomagrapher

Four Things to Remember When Giving a Talk

I'll be speaking this Saturday at the Catechetical Congress (say that four times fast!) for the Diocese of Metuchen, NJ.  The title of my workshop is:

"Getting Things Done: A View of Time Management for Ministerial Leaders"

I thought I'd share with you some things that I try to remember when I'm prepping for a talk:

• Who is my audience? Many people forget this important and obvious piece of public speaking.  For my talk, I'm figuring that folks who sign up are stressed, curious and feeling overwhelmed with work.


• What will grab their attention? I'll be using a Keynote presentation with just enough visual stimulation to keep them engaged without over doing it.  I'll also share some funny quips to start the show.


• What story can I share with them? People love stories so it's smart to dig deep and pepper your talk with a few stories of interest.  Too many and folks may think you have no "real" content.  Not enough and a talk gets boring.


• What practical application can I impart? Being practical is one of the most important parts to a good workshop.  Most people have no interest in becoming a philosopher.  All have a desire to do things better, smarter, faster, and easier.

I'll share my slides with TDS readers once they're complete.  Until then, feel free to check out some of the other great speakers on the roster.

*Photo by herzogbr

How to Lead a Retreat Without Being a Micromanager

A retreat is a great opportunity to step away from ordinary life and reconnect with God.  I've been attending (and later on leading) retreats since I was in high school.  I needed a nudge in my faith and thankfully, a buddy of mine essentially forced me to go.  Not that I knew it at the time but he knew what I didn't- being a Christian involves being in relationship with Jesus Christ.  Much more than just doing Christian-looking things like attending a church. Since that retreat, my life has never been the same.

I'm currently working with my local group to put on a retreat in November.  Here are some of the ways that we've been prepping for what we hope will be a family-friendly event:

1. Have a clear reason to host a retreat. In our case, it was twofold: to be of service to those who live in our area and to provide them with a glimpse of our spiritual tradition.  It's important to communicate clearly with those who will attend as to your intention for the day.  If you are recruiting, say so.  If you are just trying to educate, say so.


2. Involve those that are leaders. Our group is essentially a community of leaders so everyone has a job and each of us has pitched in in one way or another.  For the most important part- inviting others- each person has a role to play.


3. Delegate where you can. Sensing that I couldn't be the point person for the upcoming retreat, I was very comfortable letting a smaller group of members coordinate the event.  I just kept tabs on their progress and put in my two cents where necessary.  They have tons of ownership as a result and I haven't had to do all of the work.


4. Promote well. Nothing beats personal invitation but strong print materials are also essential.  Folks will judge you based on how you look on paper.  (here is our promo flyer)


5. Content matters. A local retreat house is struggling and I believe it's partly due to their leaning towards a more New-Age style of spirituality.  If you're looking for a retreat, remember that strong content can never be substituted with fads.  Ask around and seek out those who have attended good retreats.  They are often reliable witnesses to the kind of content that you may be seeking.

So far, the response to our initial invites have been positive.  I'm hoping that you'll consider a retreat at some point in the next year.  By the way, if you're in New Jersey and would like to attend our November retreat, don't hesitate to email me directly at mike@thedailysaint.com and I can forward more information.

*Photo by AngelAcevedo

How to Flex Your Leadership Muscles

This past July was a big deal for me.   I became the President of a nearby Catholic high school and a new chapter in my career began.  With just two months under my belt, the experiences have been nothing less than amazing.

Two things are at play for me as a high school president- getting the job done on behalf of the school AND making sure that I'm keeping healthy on the inside.  I thought I'd spend some time in this post talking about how I'm trying to leverage my leadership on the inside and out.

An Inside Job

It's critical for any leader to remember that he can't give what he doesn't have.  As Blessed Mother Theresa once said, "God doesn't call the equipped; He equips the called."  I try to keep this in mind on the days when I don't feel as if I'm doing a "good enough" job.  Several areas are important for my interior life.

• Daily journaling: I write nearly every day in a .99 journal, something I've done for probably eight years.  I don't go back and read old entries but journal as a way to stay grounded and ritualize my morning time.


• Daily Mass readings: The first thing I do each morning (ok, after coffee) is read the daily Mass readings.  I listen to them via the US Catholic Bishops and find the act of listening to be as powerful as reading from a Bible.  On a good morning, I'll listen twice.


• Monday podcasts: Even though my tradition is Roman Catholic, I've always been an ecumenist at heart.  I try to listen every Monday during my commute to Joel Osteen's Sunday message.  I just subscribe via my iPhone and poof- it's just there on Monday morning.  It sets the tone for the week in a big way.


• Sunday Mass & Daily Mass if possible: Our family is blessed to have a great parish that feeds us spiritually and serves as a social meeting spot for many of our friends.


• Monthly fellowship: My wife and I are leaders of a local group that meets each month to discuss our faith and how God is using us to make a difference.  It never fails to inspire us further in our faith.

An Outside Job

As the interior work of being a leader is the foundation, the outside tasks that make up my schedule are just as important.  Here are some of the ways that I work to expand my leadership.

• Email: Believe it or not, email is a leadership tool. Don't stay on top of it and folks think that you don't care or worse, that you aren't competent.  Better get to inbox zero and often.  I don't use email merely to communicate but to motivate my employees with good news or as a means of sharing insights.


• Public speaking: As Michael Hyatt of Thomas Nelson Publishing uses public keynotes to address issues of social media, I try to book several public events per year within my own field.  This keeps me on top of my game and is also good for my school as it brings attention to our mission.


• Published articles: I work for a great editor in Nick Wagner for Today's Parish Minister.  I get to write about everything from Twitter to Facebook and how it can help parishes communicate better.


• Social networking: Speaking of Twitter, you can follow me via @thedailysaint to gain a backstage pass of my life.  I also use Facebook as a more personal way to interact with friends.


• Worth ethic: Too many leaders think that once they get to the top, they can take every Friday off and arrive late each morning. Not so fast. Your people are watching you, every...single...day.


• Project list: David Allen of GTD fame is religious when it comes to a master project list.  I have worked hard to not only maintain my own list but promote it among my colleagues.  As a good teacher should have a lesson plan, a good knowledge worker should always have a quasi-updated project list.  I keep mine on a simple pad of paper.  At the end of the day, it goes back into my desk inbox.


• Time management: I know, "time management" is just a buzz phrase for self management but you know what I mean.  My legacy may not be a result of IQ, work ethic or good looks (trust me on that one) but just might rest on my ability to make decisions about my own use of time.  Simple as that.


• Precision: I proof read my own material and double check things.  Mistakes in the education business are a sign of sloppiness.

These are just some of the ways in which I'm trying to flex my leadership muscles on the inside and out.  Remember that great leaders are truly rare and are always extraordinary.  How about in your position of leadership?

Thought for the Road

"The higher you go, the more your problems are behavioral."  Marshall Goldsmith