Do You Feel Guilty Taking Work Home?

If your job is anything like mine, there is always more work to be done in any given day.  I often crank through my daily To Do list but often have things left over that I would have liked to have gotten to but just didn’t.  


 

These are often things tangentially related to work, like working on my blog, applying to grad school, or planning out new projects.  There just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to get it all done.  As a result, I feel guilty at least some of the time because my focus is divided between my family and my work.  

Can you relate?

I’ll be posting the next podcast on this topic but wanted to get the conversation started here.  My questions for you:

 

1. Do you work at home even after you’ve left your official job at work?

2. Do you feel guilty when you do this?

3. What effects does this have on your relationship with your spouse or your kids?

 

You can post your comments below or join the conversation on Twitter.  

Photo courtesy of AMDG 

 

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How I Turn an Average Sunday into an Awesome Monday

Sunday came and went.  You wanted to be jazzed up about worship but so many things got in the way.  If your family is anything like mine, Sunday mornings are rarely calm and peaceful.  

I’m typically the Planner.  My role is to keep everyone on track, at least that’s what I tell myself.  I bark out reminders about time and generally keep the trains moving.  My specialty: the Countdown, that mystical journey from breakfast to actually getting in the car to go to Church. It usually goes like this:

  • 20 minutes till we leave!
  • We have only 10 minutes left so get yourselves together!
  • That’s it! Why am I the only one who cares about getting to Mass on time?! (Notice the question mark AND the exclamation mark- nice.)

Sadly, my role as Planner too often leaves me frustrated and stressed.  By the time we get to church, I need a break.  If the homily is less than stellar, Sunday just seems to fall flat.  

Can you relate?

Maybe you’re the Planner like me.  You may also be the Pacifier, another title for the one who packages up snacks and sip cups for small kids.  My wife, she’s the Calmer, an expert in “everything’s ok sweetie”.  This is the perfect counterpart to my increasingly anxious point of view.  Then there's the Commisioner.  This role is summed up in various threats including but not limited to manual labor for the rest of the day or a suspension in privileges for an entire week.  

So what to do if you face a Monday when Sunday was less than inspirational?  Let’s face it- this happens a lot.  Too many of our churches are mediocre or just limping along to meet the needs of the busy professional who faces a boatload of email, meetings and stressors come Monday.

take your faith with you into Monday and make a difference

Here are three suggestions for turning an average Sunday into an awesome Monday: 

  • Be honest with your expectations.  Did you put all of your faith eggs into the basket of your priest or minister?  When he came up short, did you blame him?  Instead of pointing the finger, be honest with yourself.  Did you read the Gospel ahead of time and did you get up early in order to prepare yourself for worship?  How much time and effort did you put into worship?
    1. Resolve to have a quiet time first thing on Monday.  This way, you’ll be sure to get your compass in order.  I recommend Give Us This Day or Magnificat if you’re dialing in to the daily Mass readings.  (Full disclosure: I write for Give Us so I’m biased.)  Sharpen the pencil of your journal writing or go deep with a digital journal like Day One for iOS.  
    2. Greet the first person you meet at work as if they didn’t get to church on Sunday.  You may be the only Christian they know, so get out there and act like it.  So you’re preacher didn’t go for the gusto on Sunday.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t take your faith with you into Monday and make a difference.

    Whatever you decide to do after a flat Sunday, always remember that God is there on Monday just as much as He is on Sunday in a bright and happy church.  

    What can you do on Monday to make up for a flat Sunday?

    Photo courtesy of EM


    How to Deal with Small Disappointments

    Have you ever walked into a store with the hope of getting a great deal?  Or a car dealership?  Usually that faint  glimmer of hope starts with an ad in the paper.  

    I had one of those moments this past week when Cary and I were scheduled to get new eye glasses.  The ad said "Two Pairs for $69 Including an Eye Exam".  A friend had recommended the place and we picked up our perscriptions from Dr. Mackey and were off.  

    A half hour into the store and we had picked out our glasses.  I typically dread this experience as the kids are getting increasingly antsy and I just want to get the thing over with.  We sit down with Joe, the store rep and begin "The Process".   

    I'm familiar with The Process in car dealerships and I would rather have a root canal than purchase a new car anytime soon.  An ad draws you into the place and your hope of a new, fresh, humane car buying experience is tangible.  It quickly goes downhill and you begin to relive the last car buying experience you had (which was a nightmare).  The rest is history.  Why car dealerships don't change their model is beyond me.

    Back to Joe and the eye glasses as he tells me, "Mike, I'm sorry but your perscription is out of date; today's deal won't apply unless of course you want two pairs of specs for yourself."  Now, why would I want two pairs of glasses for myself?  Only celebrities do that, I told myself.  Why did Dr. Mackey send me off with an outdated perscription in the first place?  Why won't Joe make an exception and send me away happy?  Lots of questions and few answers.  

    Worst of all- why the heck did I just waste a half hour of my life? 

    I left Joe and his pretty shop pretty bummed.  Cary got her glasses and I played the part of the good husband, telling her that "she really needed them more than I did anyway".  Deep down though, I was seething.  I just hate wasting time and this situation was all wrong.  

    Until I realized that in the big scheme of things, none of this mattered.  

    I wasted time, sure, but may have walked away with a few insights as a result.  How do you and I deal with these minor disappointments that inevitably come up in any given week?

     

    1. Affirm your own practice of time management.  The fact that I hate wasting time is actually a sign that I take time management seriously.  Does it bother you when someone kills an hour from your day for no good reason?  It should if productivity is a value in your life.
    2. Plan more carefully.  While it's true that my eye doctor should have looked at the perscription more carefully before sending me off, it's my own fault for not having an up-to-date perscription.  That's something I can fix.
    3. Regroup, then regroup again.  There was a commentary in America magazine a few weeks back about parenting being similar to managing an alien attack.  You have to recalibrate your phaser guns over and over again in order to survive their attacks.  What worked with your oldest child rarely is effective with your second or third.  Dealing with disappointments is very much like this- breath, regroup and get your day back on track.  You can do it.

    Regroup and get your day back on track.  You can do it.

    4. Remember what matters most in life.  While it's true that Joe, Dr. Mackey and a host of other characters sidetracked my calendar, I got to spend several hours with Cary and the kids and at the end of the day, who else would I want to spend my time with?  In light of eternal salvation, family and friendship, that old advice still stands, "Don't sweat the small stuff."

    One more thing- if you happen to pick out new eye glasses, the ones on the top shelf, third over from the right are mine.  Don't even think about it.

    Why the Present Moment is so Elusive

    Let's face it, with all of our technology and gadgets, enjoying the present moment can be difficult.  Did I get a new text?  Is my email inbox free and clear?  The phone is ringing again!  

    But even with technology, there may be another reason why the present moment is so darn difficult to enjoy.

    Unresolved commitments.  

    “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”  Mother Theresa of Calcutta

    If technology demands represent the tip of the iceberg, unresolved commitments are what lie beneath the surface.  Sure, a buzzing phone can be annoying but the noise of an unresolved commitment can be even louder. 

    So what can you do to push back on the noise and enjoy the present moment more fully?  Here are three suggestions:

     

    1. Write down your commitments.  Sometimes called a "mind dump" by GTD enthusiasts, this method gets things out of your head and out into the world.  
    2. Find a task management system that works for you.  I like Nozbe and Producteev.  You may find something like Wunderlist a more simple and perfectly satisfying tool.  
    3. Review your commitments weekly.  This could take place in a quiet space and should not take more than 30-45 minutes.  I like to steal some time on a Sunday afternoon when the kids' activities are winding down.  

     

    That's it.  This three step approach will work every time.  I've used it now for a few years and find that it keeps things out of my head and into my system.  I can then be more fully present for my kids and my wife when they need me most.  

    Why do you feel that the present moment is so elusive?

    *photo by AMDG

    How the Internet Changes Parenting

    http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2125The old threats just don't work, at least not in the age of the internet. 

    Remember the days when you could tell your kids that you'd shut off the TV if they didn't behave?  Or deny computer privileges for a week? My wife and I have clearly been outsmarted by a band of four people under the age of 12. 

    Worse yet, they live in our house.

    As our family journeyed through Lent this past Spring, my wife and I would often lob the kinds of threats that used to work.  Note the past tense.  We began with, "One more time and you'll lose computer use for the rest of the week..."  When it didn't seem to phase our oldest daughter, we wondered why.

    Was my tone of voice off?  Had my wife tipped her hand too soon in the argument? Were we losing our parenting mojo? (ok, I would never actually think that much less use the word mojo outloud)

    And then it struck us- we have enough iOS devices to run a small branch of Radio Shack.  The 11 year old just headed over to the iPad and started gaming there.  Plunked down on our Craigslist couch, she had worked the system to a "t".  The 8 year old grabbed my iPhone and voila- MineSweep magically appeared. He too had figured out that the internet no longer limits a person to just one device.

    This is what the internet does to parents everywhere.  Since the old geographical threats no longer apply, we have to be more crafty than ever before.

    Parents unite!

    Where the World and the Church Intersect

    What kind of Church do you have?

    It's easy for the Church to bow to the alluring callings of the world.  It feels cool to have a Church that is staying up with the times.

    I'll be the first to admit that I'd like to go to a Church with a coffee shop in the lobby and an ATM machine just outside the door.  I wouldn't mind a Church that helped me with car repair or a Church that actually took the poor seriously.  It would be nice to see a Church that valued preaching every week and not just at Christmas.  Imagine a Church that had great music all the time and not just when the choir really prepares extra hard.

    This wish-list sounds lavish, I know.

    God created the world and it's our job to help Him redeem and co-create it.  Whenever I hear someone rail against secularism, I try to listen carefully to see if they see the world as a totally barren place or one with the capacity for renewal. (I know, this is not a habit of normal people.)  This world-or-church paradigm is, I think, somewhat of a false dichotomy.

    There is a soft spot for where the world intersects with the Church.  This just might be the place where the Gospel is needed the most.  Isn't that what it means to be "in but not of the world" as St. Paul preached?

    Worldliness has been part of my own Advent journey this year.  Instead of letting the stuff of the world stress me out (be honest, when you see your neighbor putting up his Christmas lights, don't you feel a nudge to do the same?), I've gone with the flow and tried to take things more slowly.  It's not that I'm shunning the world but rather trying to respond appropriately.

    My lights won't go up until this weekend.  I don't plan on sending out Christmas cards.  My co-worker gifts are all getting the same  gift (I ordered 10 copies of Jim Collins' book, Great by Choice).  I'm going to a Mass on Christmas eve at a place that I know will have inspiring music.

    And guess what?  I feel great about all of this.  I think Christmas will be meaningful this year because our family has been intentional about Advent and how we see the intersection of the world and the Church.

    It doesn't have to be an either/or proposition.