How to Enjoy the Present Moment

A bit of a confession to make here: I find it hard to be in the present moment. 

I don't mean that life isn't enjoyable- it is and I'm blessed!  What I mean is that, as an introvert and an achiever, it can be hard to truly, deeply enjoy being in each present moment.  

Without wishing I were somewhere else...

Without imagining doing something else...

Without wondering if I should be adding something else to my current activity...

Can you relate?  Some signs that you "suffer" (only partially kidding) from this affliction too include:

• Finding it hard to relax
• Not truly listening when others are talking
• Always dreaming of a different _______________ (job, house, situation, etc.)

Some good news recently emerged and it's not clear what caused it.  Maybe a realization that my kids won't be at home forever or a new job change that has given me more margin to enjoy the little things in life... I'm not sure.  

Still, I'm grateful.

Rob Bell has a wonderful book called How to be Here which I'm hoping to pick up soon. It may be apocryphal but missionary Jim Eliot has that stellar quote about the present moment, "Wherever you are, be all there."  David Allen (creator of the Getting Things Done movement) also has a lot to say about being fully engaged in your series of present moments, 

 "In order to feel comfortable with whatever you’re doing, you need to feel OK with what you’re not doing."

So that you can maximize your own experience of the present moment, I suggest trying the following:

• When you listen to someone else, put everything down, look them in the eye and listen.  Pause before you respond.  Make a connection.
• Stop rushing.  If you have too many things to do in your day, you may consider crossing some of them off the list.  This will free up time, space and mental bandwidth.
• Practice morning rituals like prayer and meditation.  I'm puttering around with the Headspace app and I like it a lot.  
• Look people in the eye.  Play a game where you try to see their eye color and then remember that later in the day.  This will help with paying attention to the other person.
• Use technology less.  Check out Cal Newport's recent talk on the power of giving up social media.  
• Do things you love.  A walk, a workout, a meal, a book... whatever.  By doing one or two things you love each day, you'll learn to savor the present moment with ease.

Enjoying the present moment is like flexing a muscle.  It takes time.  It takes practice.  You can do it.  

What Collaboration Looks Like Within a Digital Task Manager

People toss around the word like it's a nerf ball.

Collaboration.

Some (think, Susan Cain) feel that it's been overused and that schools have hurt students in an effort for kids to work together.  As an introvert, I tend to shy away from using the exact word collaboration and instead, favor "working together".  Same thing?  Maybe but it doesn't conjure up bad memories of having to work in a group in middle school.

How about task managers and collaboration?

I've been using Nozbe, a digital task manager, for several years but only recently did I find that it can help a team collaborate.  Todoist and TodoCloud do this as well so Nozbe isn't alone. It's just the app that works best for me.

Getting Started with Nozbe

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Here's the process that my assistant and I use and it works so well, I thought I would share a sample from a project called "Podcast":

1. I created a project called Podcast.
2. I shared it with Karen.  At that point, the project became a shared initiative.
3. Inside the project, I provided the script that I wanted Karen to use when she invited people to be a guest on the podcast.
4. Karen then invited guests via email with the script that I had provided.  As guests indicated their "yes" or "no" to being on the podcast, she would then enter into Nozbe a separate comment with the guest's name and email. 
5. From there, I would then follow up with each guest, scheduling them.  I would add a subsequent comment for Karen to see such as , "Just spoke with Barry; scheduled for October." 

The end product was a truly collaborative process, resulting in a new podcast that has now recorded five episodes.  We simply could not have done this without having a digital task manager like Nozbe.   Want to check out the podcast?  You can listen to it here.

A Better Way for Introverts to Promote Themselves

"That's nonsense!  This is not a time for false humility!"

These words were said to me in 1996 by my advisor at the time, John McCarthy.  We were talking about an academic major and I was considering one path while he was clear on another. I suggested that the road I wanted to take was maybe "lesser" than what my friends decided.  He disagreed.  His point stuck with me- have confidence, be who you and stop being so falsely humble.

He didn't mean to be proud (often considered the opposite of humility).  Rather, he meant that, like Fr. Thomas Judge often said in the early 20th century, "humility is truth".

In other words...

-if you want to take this class, do it.  If you don't, that's ok.

-if you're smart, own it.

-if you are good at painting, be honest about that.

Be who you are- that's what it means to be humble.  Oh, and don't be a jerk along the way.  (My own interpretation.)

Fast forward to a conversation I had recently with a friend considering making a career change.  She was honest in admitting that she doesn't like to promote herself.  "I'm an introvert after all..." She argued as if that disqualified her from bragging about herself. 

That's when I go back to the wise words of Dr. McCarthy and say to my friend and anyone else of the introvert persuasion, "nonsense"!

Get over it.  I'm an introvert like you wouldn't believe.  I get it- the need for alone time.  The predictable rhythm of a weekly schedule.  Deep thinking... All of it I get and appreciate.  It's who I am and it may be who you are.

And guess what- very little of that will get you hired.  The system is just not built that way.  Instead, it favors the loud, proud and brightly adorned.  I wish I could change that but I just can't.  Schools do it.  Businesses too.  Our culture raises up those who can toot their own horn and introverts need to accept this.  This doesn't mean change who you are but it does mean an occasional season of career skill-sharpening.  

So what are you to do?  Do you become a phony and start acting like a celebrity or can you stay true to your own introversion?  Can you design an extraordinary career and maintain what's deeply good about your introversion?

Absolutely.  Good news- you can be both introverted and phenomenally successful at work. Did you know that Bill Gates considers himself an introvert?  Warren Buffet too.  They've done alright for themselves.  

I have three suggestions for how you can promote yourself without feeling like a phony. 

1. Keep your website fresh.  We talk about this all the time on the blog.  You have to have a good website to promote yourself.  It does the talking for you. Keep your website fresh, current and contemporary- it's a way to extend your voice.

2. In your interview (presuming you will have one that leads to a new job), practice your intro and closing lines.  You need to be clear about your narrative.  "I'm about to turn 30 and always wanted to do ... " or "Before my kids graduate from high school, I've made a commitment to ..."  You get the point. 

The close is also very important.  When an interview wraps up, they always ask you for your questions and you ought to have two in the can ready to roll.  Then, you can ask for a final thought. 

The script for the final thought is very simple and goes like this: "Mr. Jones (interviewer), can I say one final thing before we wrap up today?  I just want you and the group to know that

a) you'll never regret hiring me and

b) no one will work harder to accomplish the goals that you want for this position than me.  I know I can do a great job for you."

This works every time.  It projects confidence and moxy without being arrogant. 

3. Look for a place to work that values your introversion. You want a place where you can be yourself and really fly.  Most introverts will want to avoid open-office concepts such as cubicles, etc.  Too many distractions.  

With all of this said, introverts, while making up 30-40% of the workforce still need to practice being (occasionally) extroverted.  This will help you keep your career moving forward and keep you honoring your own introversion, which is a gift in an of itself.  

How to Use Style to Your Advantage

Style- you know it when you see it.  You'll recognize it in how someone dresses or in the feel of a person's living room.  You may see it in the way a person carries himself or in the way a person speaks.  

The key is to use it to your own advantage.  Easier said than done but it matters nonetheless.

I was interviewing some candidates a while back and was struck by how few had style.  Of the 10 people we interviewed, only two really stood out.  Both had their own websites and both were sharp dressers.

Note that I'm not saying "correct style" because that's probably an oxymoron.  Style relates to art so it's very subjective.  Think of your favorite restaurant and the decor- you may love it while your best friend may think it's too busy or uninviting.  

Style is like that- it's very subjective.

Still, you should identify your own style and then make it work for you.  Here are three simple ways that you can use style to your own advantage at work:

1. Create your own logo.  I've used Fiverr.com for years for various logos and decided on this (to the right) for my new logo.  The official approval came from my wife who said, "very nice!" after it was complete.  It's clean and professional looking.  If she's happy, I'm happy!
2. Invest in your wardrobe.  We're not talking about punking down $500-$1,000 on new duds.  Rather, consider simplifying and adding a signature look to what you wear.  I worked with a  guy recently who wore Chuck Taylor sneakers everywhere.  Maybe not my style but I remember him for his.  I've recently purchased a ton of skinny ties, hoping that this contributes to a simple, clean look.  
3. Make your social outlets consistently "you".  By using your personal logo, you can add style to not only your resume but to your Facebook header, Twitter header and Instagram posts.  This will add some consistency and style to who you are and what you have to say online.  You may also want to add your own signature hashtag.  

Style matters and it will help you to stand out from the crowd.  How will you step up your style in the coming weeks?  

An Introvert's Guide to Navigating Social Media

Many introverts excel when it comes to social media.  I'm often surprised (although I shouldn't be at this point) when I see someone on Facebook or Twitter who is outspoken but then in "real life" is more reserved.

Social media, for introverts, is a level playing field.  Twitter gives a voice to those that might be hesitant to express themselves.  Instagram enables introverts to connect with followers, all via photos and video.  

Introverts, not necessarily shy, crave connection but not via big crowds.  They appreciate relationships but prefer to form them thoughtfully, with depth and on their own terms.  

But, and here is the problem- social media, with all of its benefits, can be overwhelming.  Take me as an example.  On an average day, I can check and update Facebook but I find that I can't keep up with Twitter and Instagram.  LinkedIN?  Forget about it.  It's just too much.

So how can an introvert navigate social media without the process becoming overwhelming?  Here are three suggestions that will help:

1. Choose one network to post.  For the rest, just check.  This is my best piece of advice.  Post to one and then check the others.
2. Don't feel as if you have to be everywhere online.  Seriously, it's ok if you don't enjoy Twitter.  It's not as if we're talking about world peace.  Go where you want online and make it fun.  
3. Take a day off from all social media.  So that introverts don't feel pulled in all sorts of directions, pace yourself by taking one day off each week from social media.  Trust me, this works wonders.

Social media doesn't have to suck the life out of you, as many introverts are finding.  Still, some self-pacing and moderation can keep social media fun and a great way to make meaningful connections with others.  

How to Reduce the Number of Times You Apologize

Some people apologize when they've done something wrong- this is good.  

Others apologize all of the time.  You can spot them when they say things like,

• Sorry to bother you...
• Sorry to interrupt...
• I'm sorry did I get you at a bad time...
• Sorry to call you...

This latter group, those who practice "the apology reflex", have a problem on their hands.  They are either not convinced of their own value or feel guilty for achieving success.  I've worked with folks like this and not surprisingly, they rarely get promoted.

On the other end of the spectrum are those who never apologize- they don't get promoted either.

So what should you do to minimize the number of times that you apologize?  One simple tactic can help you with this: inventory your language.  Do you find yourself apologizing often for simple, innocent things?  When you recognize this trait, take a breath and hold it in. Chin up, just do what you were going to do but this time, without an apology.

You've got this!