The call ended. I had just been lectured by someone who was supposed to be a peer. Instead, they were acting as if they were my parent, scolding me over something that I had done. I had apparently not acted according to their pristine standards.
I got off the phone, uttered a few curse words and moved on. My anger was temporary and I dealt with it as best as I knew how. I swore, complained a little and told Cary about it later that day.
That was it.
“There are two methods to subdue anger. First, that before a person undertakes to act, he places before his mind the contumelies and sufferings which he will likely encounter, and, by reflecting on the shame borne by our Saviour, prepares himself to bear them patiently. Secondly, that when we behold the excesses of others, we direct our thoughts to our own excesses, by which we offend others.”
How about you- how do you deal with anger? Do you stew and then lash out? Or, are you someone who responds immediately and lives to regret it later?
For me, anger is a strange emotion, showing its face on rare occasions. As a Catholic, I’m not sure we do a very good job of helping people deal with anger. When was the last time you heard a homily about anger?
Jesus got angry. He acted on it, to the surprise and backlash of those around him. I imagine that if you hung out with the Lord on a regular basis, you knew when he was angry about something.
Today, we see anger played out in traffic squabbles. Maybe someone will flip you the bird from their car. Or, if you’re really lucky, someone will call you an idiot on Twitter, although I’m not sure that really counts.
It’s as if we’ve become allergic to anger. In HR training, we’re taught to couch our emotions into beige language like, “I think what I hear you saying is...” or “When you did that, it made me feel sad...”
Is this what we’ve become? People who can’t even express raw emotion or appropriate anger?
As with all emotions, prayer can help to make sense of anger. It will feel foreign, holding up anger to God. Asking Him what the source of your anger is, turning it over a few times, talking it through.
You might even have anger towards God or the Church. I know that I have from time to time. It feels uncomfortable to even write this but it’s true.
The best remedy- acknowledge it. Tell God that you’re mad at Him. Ask Him to show you the source of this anger. Talking to God is praying with emotion, even with anger. Remember who you are and who God is and the anger will make sense over time. Be careful with anger as many of the saints remind us. To respond angrily in an inappropriate way can create a big problem. Worse yet, it can stain your character.
As for your anger towards others, this is more tricky. Again, hold it up to God and ask for His light to show you the source of your emotion. Ask for the way in which you should respond. Talk with someone you trust about your anger as a further way of processing it.
Prayer is a key asset in processing emotions, especially anger. Don’t go it alone. Let God into your anger and sure enough, He will provide you with the light you need to work through your anger.