A Simple Formula for Praying for Others

Praying for someone else is a core part of what it means to be a prayerful person.  It’s common, after all, for someone to ask for your prayers for them when they are sick or experiencing a hardship.

Still, most of us don’t know exactly how to pray for the person when prayers are requested. 

Be honest- the last time someone asked for your prayers, what did you do?

I reflected on this recently as a friend of mine is going through a tough time.  I’ve done all I could to help but I’m at the point where prayer is now my best response to him.  

Here’s the two-part formula that I’m using with my friend and recommend for you as well:

1. Pray big.  This is an overarching prayer for God’s will, for God’s timing and for happiness and health.  It looks like this, “Lord I pray for Joe, for him to have peace in his heart, for his needs to be met, for better health, etc.”. (I would of course leave off the etc.!)
2. Pray small.  Here is where many of us struggle- praying for very specific needs.  For my friend, it might look like this, “Lord for Joe I’m praying that he find a job within the next two weeks.  I pray that it’s something that he’s excited about.  Maybe it’s in a school or at the local college, I don’t know but you know Lord.  I’m asking that you give him what he needs Lord and soon.”

You can see that by praying “big” and “small”, you’re covering your bases.  It’s a faithful and strategic way to pray and gives your heart and mind the space to let God do the work.  You’re doing your part, for sure, but you’ve positioned your heart to communicate to God your needs and the needs of your friend.  

Try it out and see how you like it and how it works.

The Scariest Prayer You Can Pray

Remember the last time that you prayed a formal prayer in church.  Maybe it was the Our Father or the Hail Mary.  Now think of a time when you prayed, in private, for something general like for God’s will to be done or for God to receive the glory for something.

These kinds of prayers fill our days.  They form a sort of ‘percussion’ for our faith, a backdrop for us to go deeper in relationship with the Lord.

It’s sort of like being married- I tell me wife that I love her every day.  I tell her everyday that she’s beautiful (ok I may have forgotten one day last week!) and I call her to check in when I’m in the car.  These small pleasantries are important.  They are like a beat that is in the background, forming a type of foundation on which the song plays.

But they are skin-deep.  These are not the kind of let-me-look-you-in-the-eye conversations that allow for deep contact.  Necessary, yes, but as for depth, not so much.

No, the scariest prayer is found far beneath the surface.

By scary I don’t mean creepy.  I don’t mean mystical.  We’re not talking about something that spooks you.  

Rather, a scary prayer is one which is raw.  It’s a request for something very specific.  It’s scary because you’re putting yourself out there, naked before God with your request.  The request itself is revelatory, showing a degree of your desperation or even your faith.

One of the best jobs I ever had was to be a dean of students in a school.  You saw everyone at their worst- a student who lied, a teacher who said something they shouldn't have, a parent in conflict.  There were no pretenses, only a raw situation in need of the truth.

I don’t know about you but I resist these kinds of raw-truth prayers.  They scare me because I’d much rather live on the surface.  Because of my sinful nature, I’d much rather hang in the shallow water, exchanging small talk with God.  You know what I'm talking about right?

Hey God what's up?  (high fives here)

You good? 

Everything's fine... I'm pretty busy today

All good here...talk to you next time (person walks away)

This kind of small talk isn’t all bad.  It shows that you're familiar with God but it’s not where real growth happens.  To go deeper, you have to show yourself and this is vulnerability before God.  This is the cry of the heart.

As St. Augustine said, "Many cry to God, but not with the voice of the soul, but with the voice of the body; only the cry of the heart, of the soul, reaches God."  This is risky, heartfelt prayer.  This is plunging beneath the surface in order to love Christ more fully.  Sometimes we think that we are being needy before God and then we settle for the surface.  

The catch of course is that God wants our neediness to be whole.  He wants our prayers to flow from an acceptance of dependence and towards the broken pieces of our lives and the lives of others.

Let’s talk about what this looks like.  

• Surface prayer might sound like this, “Lord God I pray for your will to be done, for healing to occur if it’s your will and for me to have a positive attitude.”  This isn’t a bad prayer at all.  What it is though is general and very much a prayer of deferring to God.  Again, that’s pretty darn good and certainly better than no prayer at all.  Still, let me show you what a scary prayer might look like instead.
• A more risky prayer might sound like this, “Father I pray for a healing.  For the cancer to run out of her body, for it to be afraid of the healing that’s coming for it.  I pray this week for this to happen.  I won’t stop praying for it Lord and ask from my heart to yours, that you hear me and answer me this week.  I know that cancer is child’s play to you Lord and expect a miracle.”  Now that’s a bold and risky prayer!

Look at how specific the prayer is: for a healing, for speed of healing, for it to happen this week, for me to not stop praying, …expecting a miracle.  This is a person with some guts!  This is an example of praying well- putting your junk before God and knowing that, no matter how messed up you may be, God loves you just the same.  In fact, he's crazy about you, warts and all.

My hope for you, as you read this, is that you would search your heart.  What’s bothering you that you could get very specific with God about?  

Be prepared though- you’re about to plunge beneath the surface.  Rest assured, God is waiting patiently for you there.

How the Bible Can Enliven Your Prayer

I coach my son’s 8th grade basketball team.  We had a game recently and it was evident that we were not only tired but underhydrated.  The guys looked pale and just weren’t playing up to their usual standards.  The coaches kept telling them to get a drink, to take a breath and to keep adding water to their systems.

It struck me- the Bible is very similar for a Christian as water is to an athlete.  Without the proper hydration, the athlete will ultimately run out of fuel and begin to slow down.  For someone who wants to be praying well, the Bible is very, very similar.  It’s an essential helpmate to an active life of prayer.

Let’s look at some practical reasons for reading the Bible and including it in our prayer time:

1. Jesus read it.  Sure, Jesus didn’t have the entire New Testament nor did he have a “pocket version” with the handy strings to mark your spot (I love those).  Still, he was not only familiar with Old Testament texts but he had memorized more than a few of them.  It was a reference for him and one that he obviously held in high regard.

2. The Saints loved the Bible. Every saint, at some point in their lives, has drawn great inspiration from the Bible.  Consider the following quotes as examples,

• St. Jerome, “Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ.”
• St. Gregory, “The Holy Bible is like a mirror before our mind’s eye. In it we see our inner face. From the Scriptures we can learn our spiritual deformities and beauties. And there too we discover the progress we are making and how far we are from perfection.”
• St. John of the Cross, “Seek by reading and you will find by meditating. Knock by praying, and it will be opened to you in contemplation.”

3. The Bible is a Bridge to God.  No person, no matter how holy they may be, can go it alone.  We need one another and we need a map to get to heaven.  The Bible, alongside Sacred Tradition, is our map.  It serves as a bridge to holy living.  Ask someone who is holy what they read each day and they will likely pull out their Bible.

With these reasons for why the Bible is so important for a Christian, how can you use it when you pray?

For me, it looks like this:

1. In the morning: when I have my quiet time, one of the first things I read is the Daily Mass readings.  Depending on what’s featured for that day, I’ll either look at:

• The Old Testament reading
• The Psalm
• The New Testament reading

Note that I rarely look at all three and I don’t use a physical Bible. I usually go to www.usccb.org and read the Mass readings on my iPad.  While I have two master’s degrees and a doctorate, I’m just not sharp enough to contemplate three separate readings.  Rather, like a laser beam, I choose one and focus on that.  It’s ok to choose one small snippet and read it over and over again.  The temptation here will be to read it very fast, especially if you’ve read it in the past.  Slow down.  Read it again.  Ask God to tell you what it means.  Turn it over in your mind.  See how it applies to your life. 

2. In the evening: right before bed, I pick up my leather-covered Bible that I keep on my dresser and I read a few verses of one Psalm. Right now, I’m working through the Psalms very slowly.  I might take a week on the same Psalm!  When it feels like it’s time to move on to another book, I’ll do that.  I keep it simple and just try my best to end a day with a small but good dose of Scripture.  It works for me.

You might use the Bible in different ways during your day and that’s ok.  The key, as the saints before us have taught, is to read the Bible as often as you can and figure out the “spots” where it best fits into your busy day.  

I think you’ll find that, like water keeps an athlete hydrated, reading the Bible keeps the Christian praying well. 

The Surprising Truth About Prayer

January and February are often times of the year when people try out new things.  In a quest for form new habits, we go on diets, save more money and go to the gym.  The seed inside of us, wanting improvement, is good.  

After all, it’s a good thing to be in better shape, to manage our finances more effectively and to eat healthy foods.  Rather than poo-poo this innate desire we all have to improve, we should celebrate it.

On one hand, forming new habits is easy but on the other hand, each requires a certain “barrier of entry”.  Let’s look at a few of them and consider the hoops that you have to jump through to really excel:

• Fitness: do I go to the gym or purchase equipment to excercise at home?  Do I work out on my own or with a buddy?
• Diet: do I ditch carbs or increase protein?  Do I have to drink eight glasses of water a day?  Should I eat three meals or five smaller meals?  Organic or regular food?
• Reading: do I buy traditional books or use a Kindle?  Sci-fi or fiction?  What if I don’t like to read? Does listening to an audio book count as reading?

Now, consider something that prayer has in common with each of the habits we’ve just mentioned: it takes practice.  Prayer, to truly become a habit that “sticks” must be done over and over again.

But, and here’s the wonderfully surprising truth about prayer, there is literally no barrier to entry.  You and I can pray right now.  No fancy clothes needed.  No apps needed.  No level of education needed. 

All that’s needed is to surrender to that seed of desire in you to be closer to God.  That alone, placed there first by God, is enough of an engine to get you going.  

Consider the words of 16th century mystic and Doctor of the Church, St. Teresa of Avila wh described prayer prayer in terms of, “being on terms of friendship with God frequently conversing in secret with him who, we know, loves us”.

As my father would say, “that’s a wow!”  Prayer is nothing more or less than building friendship with God.  We talk with Him in our hearts or out loud.  We listen to Him, even when it is hard to hear His voice.  We do all of this because we know, deep down, that He loves us and waits for us in prayer.

There’s no barrier of entry, only a surrender to the tiniest incling that we should pray.  When you sense that incling, drop everything and say a prayer.  

• When you see a car accident on the side of the road, say a prayer.
• When someone tells you some bad news, say a prayer.
• When you are stressed at work, say a prayer.
• When you read the news and hear of a natural disaster, say a prayer.
• When you know something or someone is “off”, say a prayer.
• When you start your day and before you go to sleep, say a prayer.

By praying when you have the smallest sense that you should pray, you will be building the muscle of prayer.  God waits for you there and wants for you to meet Him in the quiet and ordinary spaces of daily prayer.

What is the Point of Prayer?

It's cool to know how to pray.  It's nice to read books about prayer.  It can feel good to pray.  Underneath all of this is a more fundamental question- what is the point of prayer?

In this recent episode of Praying Well, I provide a five minute answer.

Answering the question (about the purpose of prayer) is very, very simple and yet we've made it complicated.  It's become complicated because of the new "mindfulness movement" and because of apps like Headspace.  Mindfulness and meditation are good but need to be seen as a means to an end.  They make you more aware and alert.

“A spirituality without a prayer life is no spirituality at all, and it will not last beyond the first defeats.”

— Sr. Joan Chittister, OSB

What mindfulness doesn't do, since it's not grounded in any religious tradition, is link you to God.  You can be mindful all you want but when you are faced with a moral decision or when life gets hard, you realize that it's God that's needed above all.

Consider the words of Sr. Joan Chittister, OSB who said, "A spirituality without a prayer life is no spirituality at all, and it will not last beyond the first defeats."  She's talking about mindfulness and meditation without God.

I see prayer as having one ultimate goal: intimacy with God.  Sometimes, this will include words and at other times listening.  Mostly, it involves showing up and being with one another.  When I greet the Lord each morning, I make myself present to the One who has already been waiting for me.  He is there and enjoys being with us.

Why would it be any other way?  Like a human relationship, our friendship with God is built on trust, showing up, surrender, listening, talking and ultimately union with Him.  

Should You Pray in Public?

A lot of people want to separate our lives- work during the week and have fun on the weekend.  Or, pray on Sunday morning and watch football on Sunday afternoon.  It’s as if we have various “buckets” that we do things in and there is no crossover from one bucket to the next. 

Except that that’s a fallacy which, if we’re honest, we know isn’t our experience.  For example, if we are upset about something in the morning before we go to work, chances are we are going to be affected during the day.  Or, if you fall in love, this sense of intimacy with your lover is going to be with you throughout your week. 

In other words, we live one life rather than a series of separated lives.  Pope Paul VI called this the “unity of life”- a synchronized experience of letting God into all parts of our busy schedules.   

This brings us to today’s question- should you pray in public?  The answer is YES.  Let me share a story of something that happened to me recently on a plane.  Across the aisle from me was a Jewish man and he was saying his morning prayers. I was moved by how seriously he took his prayer and how reverent he was about it.  If he can pray in public, with leather bands around his head and his hands, surely a Christian can do the same.  We can bring our “unified life” with us, even into public.

How can you do this?  Here are some suggestions: 

1. Pray before a meal.  Make the sign of the cross, pause for a moment, and thank God for the gift of sustenance.  

2. Pray when you see a car accident.  Turn off the radio and pray, out loud, a prayer for the person involved. 

3. Pray when you travel.  Before you start the car, get on the bus or hop a flight, pray silently that God will provide you with a safe journey. 

These are just three ways that you can pray in public and here’s the good news- no one will make fun of you or persecute you.  It’s ok and it’s good.