How to be Wholehearted

There is no shortage of advice for achieving "more" in the new year.  Brian Tracy has his "4 tips" while Mike Hyatt has his "5 days" program to supposedly the best year ever.  

I've got one bit of advice and I'm preaching to myself on this one: be wholehearted.

No fitness goals.  No spiritual aspirations.  No financial resolutions.  Just to be where I am, that is to say, to be wholehearted.  Don't get me wrong, I'll be listing some very simple strategies for the various areas of my life, from money to time to muscles.  

But where my heart is- that's what I'm really concerned with.

“The antidote to exhaustion is not rest but wholeheartedness. ”

— David Whyte

This past weekend was stellar.  At one point, sitting with my 8 year old in the corner of the living room, I looked up to find her reading me a story, my 14 year old wrapping a gift in the middle of the room and my 11 year old playing Minecraft on a laptop.  I had to pinch myself in gratitude for the amazing and many gifts in my everyday life. Who am I that I "get" to be a dad, a husband, a school leader, a Christian?  

I was wholehearted (or, "all there") for at least a few moments.  They felt like many more.

Why is wholeheartedness so difficult to achieve?  Here are my guesses:

• Our plates are overly full
• Our time is often scarce
• We're tired
• Our margin is thin
• We have smartphones
• We get bored too easily
• Culture preaches "busyness" above singlemindedness
• Work promotes multitasking

But here's the thing with each of these: they may slow us down but they can be managed such that wholeheartedness is practiced almost daily.  

Many people have found that wholeheartedness is found by doing (or not doing) the following:

1. Unplugging from technology periodically.
2. Owning fewer things.
3. Giving things away (time, stuff, money, service).
4. Being prayerful and especially at the beginning of the day.
5. Being part of a faith community that worships weekly.
6. Reading.  Anything all the way through.
7. Playing sports.
8. Creating art.
9. Allowing for downtime.
10. Enjoying nature.
11. Cooking and eating mindfully.
12. And in general, slowing down.

That's it.  Simple when you think of it- none of the 12 actions above cost much.  Better yet, you can practice at least a few of them within the next 24 hours.  

While most people think of wholeheartedness as a passive state of doing very little, just look at the action verbs found within each of the 12 suggestions: slowing, cooking, eating, enjoying, creating, and so on.  Pretty active when you think of it.  This is the paradox of being wholehearted: by being fully present, we can do so many things that lead to a fuller life.

I'm going to try it out and I hope that you will too.  It's ok to set some goals for the new year but don't forget that being fully present to those things and people around you is also a noble aspiration.

So here's to being wholehearted in 2015 and beyond!

*photo courtesy of fdp

An Introvert's Guide to Decreasing Stress (Part II)

This is Part II in our introvert stress reduction series.  Part I dealt with the strategy of arriving early for meetings.

Introverts aren't necessarily shy.  They just get energy from spending time alone or with smaller groups of people.  Pastor Ron Edmondson has some fantastic articles on leaders who are introverted like this and this.  

One of the big issues that introverts have is that of being misunderstood as aloof or standoffish.  The introverts I know are neither but without some work, they could be easily misunderstood.  

The fact is, introverts experience stress nearly every time they attend meetings, public events or anything that produces interaction.  It sounds very strange if you're an extrovert but take it from me (an introvert), much of everyday life is stressful.  

A tried and true strategy that works well for introverts (and actually for everyone else if they try it) is to cultivate a consistent morning routine.  The morning routine is something that is very simple and can feature prayer, journaling, silence, and anything else that raises your mind and heart.  

For me, the morning routine is critical to nearly every aspect of my life.  It puts work, family and leisure in perspective.  It clarifies thoughts, concretizes goals and gives a venue for introspection.

For introverts in particular, the morning is very, very important for at least three reasons:

1. A morning routine begins the day with something you can have total control over.  Since the rest of the day will be unpredictable and probably filled with stress, the morning routine acts like an anchor of sorts, shielding you from stress in subtle ways.
2. The morning routine leaks into the rest of the day.  What you think about will turn up later.  What you read will travel with you.  The inspiration you receive will return to you when you least expect it. 
3. A consistently practiced morning routine will create spiritual momentum.  You will know that you're becoming a better listener and that your relationship with God is alive and well.  It sounds wild to say it but if you practice a solid morning routine, you'll become the very best version of who you really are.  Seriously.

Introverts experience more stress than most.  But, with a little morning routine practice, they can navigate their days with poise and just a little less stress.  

Time to Kiss Facebook Goodbye?

Roy is a school leader.  He uses an Android phone, uses an iMac in his office and knows how to run a solid powerpoint.  He doesn't use Twitter.  He has used, I think, Google Plus three times in his life.  As for Facebook, he would ask you where that's located in the library! 

None of this is bad, just stating the facts so you can get a feel for his social media habits.

The thing is, after I spoke with Roy for a bit, that he feels as if he should use social media more often.  He feels as if there's something missing or something wrong with him.

There isn't and there's not.

I've said for a while now that social media is whatever you want it to be.  You want to post pictures of your puppy on a skateboard?  Go for it.  Want to share what you're eating every meal?  Why not!  

Here's some of the wacky photos I've posted on Instagram.  

The "rules" of social media are relativistic and that's part of what makes Twitter, Facebook, et al. so powerful.

For Roy, he's looking for reasons to jump into social media.  For others, there may be times to hit the pause button on it.  Or, you may even need to kiss Facebook and Twitter goodbye for a period of time.  

Turns out, people who use social media say that they are more stressed than those who don't.

These reasons may include:

• You feel overwhelmed by the variety and number of social media outlets.  Part of Roy's struggle is that he doesn't even know where to start.
• You feel exhausted by the constant "checking" for updates, etc.  (turns out that mobile Twitter users are 181% more likely to use Twitter during their commutes; source)
• You want to have a simpler digital footprint.  Less time on social media means more time with your family, more time reading books, and more time doing focused work.

As for me, I'm in a point of flux right now.  LinkedIN is more frequent for me these days while Twitter has taken a back seat.  I actually, in small doses, am finding Facebook interesting again.  Ebbs and flows.  Trial and error.  

The key, as always, is to be intentional.  Be thoughtful about what and how you are using social media.  If it's tuckering you out, change it up.  

The Case for Doing Less This Weekend

Weekends are what most of us live for.  They are often seen as a break from mundane, unexciting jobs.  Most people fill them with yardwork, chores and errands galore.  Sleeping in, staying up late, shopping... fill in the blank as to how you and your family typically use your weekend.

The only problem... (drumroll) is that some of us fill our weekends, supposed to be a time for rest, with so many small crumbs that the weekend itself becomes stressful.  The crumbs add up after a while.  

Errands do make you tired- and use gas. 

Shopping is exhausting- and uses money. 

Yardwork is fun for some- but not for most. 

So here's your homework for today and any weekend- be more intentional about it. Do less.  Breathe.  Take a nap.  Do what makes you happy this weekend instead of what you think you should be doing (by that subtle voice in your head informed by popular culture or social media).   

Speaking digitally, I find that there are times when I want to be up to speed on the news and on what my friends are "up to" online.  Weekends though- I just want to be with Cary and the kids.  I typically tweet less and just use Buffer to automate my online content.  That way, I can sit on the porch and play a game with the kids, go for a leisurely drive or wash the car in the driveway.  It's intentional, light and relaxed.   

What are the benefits of doing less?  First, you'll stress less.  Second, you'll be more fully present to those you care about.  Third, you'll spend less money because you're not doing what someone else tells you you "should".  Fourth... I could keep going but you get the picture.   

So go ahead.  Enjoy yourself this weekend and all throughout the week.   

It's ok to do less if it helps you to "be more" in the other parts of your life.  

Here's a Method for Dealing with Imperfection

The spot was there for about a year.

We tried to ignore it.  We walked around it.  We certainly didn't speak of it.  Still, it was there.  One slate tile out of probably fifty that was off kilter and coming loose from the porch floor.  (You can see the photo to the left which I took about a week ago.)

Imperfection is like that- we know it's there but aren't quite sure how to deal with it.  

Think of the car accident on the side of the road.  You don't want to be seen craning your neck to see it... but at the same time, you're curious right?  I know that I am.

Or, think of the person in a cast.  I almost can't help but to ask how the cast got there.

The other day I saw a small child at the airport and clearly something was wrong with her physical development.  I had to pause and be thoughtful about my response.  Rather than stare or feel badly, I chose to appreciate who she was above and beyond whatever physical challenge she's currently facing.

How do you respond when you find imperfection?  Do you feel badly?  Do you say "Thank God that's not me"?  The responses are myriad but I'd like to suggest one surefire way to respond to it:  Embrace it.  

Get close to it.  

Don't feel bad about it.  

Get to know it.  

Name it.

"Imperfection", after all, is a relative term.  I knew a student who was autistic and instead of feeling badly for himself, he chose to use his differences as a source of strength.  This is similar to what Malcolm Gladwell talks about in his book David And Goliath.  You can watch his Ted Talk about imperfections here.

Back to my porch story and the imperfect tile.  I chose to not ignore the darn thing and one day just mixed up some new cement and fixed it.  As you can see from the photo (and as my four wonderful kids are quick to remind me!) it's not quite perfect.  If you try hard enough, you can tell that "one of these things is not like the other".  True enough.  The struggle I had was not with the mortar or finding the time to do the job. It was just simply a matter of choosing what to do with a seemingly imperfect tile.

Each of us has things like this in life.  Look around and the people you work and live with have their stuff as well.  

Application: what's bothering you about yourself or another person?  Can you name it and get closer to it?  

Connection to digital: use technology to get closer to imperfection.  Research poverty and then spend time with the poor.  Use email to stay in touch with someone who is hurting. Send a Twitter direct message to encourage someone in need.  

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Don't Travel Often? 4 Tips to Keep Things Simple

This post was written in O'Hare airport in Chicago.  As someone who doesn't travel all that much, each trip is memorable.  For example, I can remember sitting in the rocking chairs in Charlotte, the shuttle trains in Atlanta and the (sorry) compactness of Pittsburgh.  

I like travel as it gives me the chance to explore new areas and try different foods.  It's something that I've learned to do rather than an activity that comes naturally to me. 

The flip side of travel that is infrequent is that you can overstress and overcomplicate the process.  Ever seen any of the following?

 -kids screaming while their parents check in with their luggage

-disgruntled travelers who take out their anxiety on an airline employee

-tired businessmen who just look like they want to get home

And so it goes... you may also think of any number of popular "travel movies".  Think back to Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Up in the Air or even Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  Right now, I'm just trying to get better and better and how I travel.

Sometimes "getting better at it" can either be helped or hurt but your use of digital.  Whether you are at the Travel Ninja level or a novice like me, here are four simple tips that might help:

1. Use the airlines app.  This does two things. First, it cuts down on papers to print out.  These get wrinkled and can be lost easily.  Second, it gives you an easy way to self-calm yourself as you check on the status of your flight or see if you'll have an aisle seat via the seating chart section.  

2. Simplify your prep.  For those that don't travel often, it can feel like recreating the wheel and you'll spend way too much time just packing for a simple overnight.  The sollution: keep a list and save it in your digital task manager.  I have one in Todoist that is simple and saves me time and energy.

3. Cut down on your security check.  By wearing slip on shoes, no jewelry and a belt that comes off easily, you'll save so much time and stress.  Common sense, sure but it works like gold. 

4. A place for everything.  If you use a briefcase, keep things in the same location every time.  For me, wallet is always in the back right pocket and phone in the front right pocket.  By keeping things in the same places, you don't have to think about them and will (again, see the theme here) cut down on stress.   

I hesitate to write this post as I know so many of my friends who travel a ton and could write a book on travel.  Still, there are probably a lot of light travelers like me and perhaps these four steps will help you.   

What steps do you take to simplify travel? 

*Photo courtesy of FDP