Work-Life (un)Balance

So much talk about work-life balance these days and in the past five years or so.  

Friends I have struggle with this.  Colleagues at work too.  It's as if many folks can't seem to hold all of the balls in the air.  We face a few options, at least according to contemporary wisdom: 

• drop a few balls (i.e. resign from your post as treasurer of whatever organization in town)
• hire it out (think: pool boy) 
• get smarter
• get faster
• wait for a time in life when things are easy

Ask someone who knows me and they'll tell you that I'm hardly an expert when it comes to work-life balance.  Like anyone, I occasionally drop a ball by accident or add another project to my already bursting list. 

And yet, I'm thinking of a friend, John, who said to me recently, "Mike, if you can do all that you do, with four kids and a busy job, I can do it too." 

There's a secret of course at play here- super productive people don't "do it all".  They don't have a magical 25th hour in their day or a secret iOS app that gets more done for them.

Rather, they go in spurts.  Push and pull.  Action and then rest. 

This summer I've tried to practice this- a week of rest and then two weeks of hard work.  A week of study and then a week of hard work.   

It's actually been unbalanced if we were doctrinal about things.  But maybe there's a deeper principle in play- you can only do what you can do.  Do it smart and in bursts.   

Maybe it's time we start talking about work-life (un)balance as a virtue instead of beating ourselves up for failing to meet a deadline.   What can you stop doing today that will free up time and energy?

*photo courtesy of GM 

7 Ways to Explain July 4 to Children

Today is a great day for Americans.  Parades, barbecues and flags all around.  My family will go to the Chatham parade and then have some friends over to stand around the mothership (otherwise known as my grille) for some food and fellowship.

If we're not careful, my wife and I will raise four kids who have no idea about the real meaning of July 4.  They'll simply associate it with the trimmings of the day.

Here are some simple things you can do to teach your kids by means of a holiday like July 4:

• Talk about it.  Ask your kids what they know about it.
• Watch a t.v. show or movie about American history.  This is perfect for after dinner when things are winding down.
• Go to a parade and clap for the soldiers.  These brave men and women deserve more than others- clap for them and point them out to your kids.  
• Explain the symbolism of the American flag.  Here is a great resource.
• Ask one of your kids to put on a powerpoint presentation about the holiday.  I'm not even kidding with this one. My 9 year old has done powerpoints of Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas.  It's my way of teaching him powerpoint and linking tech with a national holiday.
• Watch fireworks.  Come on, everyone likes fireworks!
• Discuss a passage from the Bible about freedom.  Romans 6:22 is a good start, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

How are you not only celebrating July 4 but teaching your kids about its meaning?

Give Yourself Permission to Slow Down

Parents today are under a lot of pressure.  They spend hundreds of dollars a month on gas, shuttling their kids from one activity to the next.  In the back of their mind, they fear that if they do not engage in a frenetic schedule, their son or daughter will not be formed "properly".  They fear that Johnny won't get into college and then won't have friends and then will be living at home forever.  To counter this, they shuttle him to:

Soccer

Band

Archery

Summer camp

More soccer

Forensics

Cub Scouts

Fencing

Chess club

And on and on.  It's as if it's a crime to have a Saturday when your kid just hangs out around the house and reads a book.  (That would be ok if the reading was part of a Young Mensa Literature Discovery group.)

I used to struggle with this.  I used to worry that my kids would somehow be at a disadvantage if they weren't involved in a million activities.

Until I stepped back, looked at them and marvelled at their unique personalities and God-given specialness.  It was then that my wife and I decided to stop the madness and take it slower than most families would.  Our weekends are no longer a taxi campaign to get the gas tank to zero.  Instead, we enjoy doing as little as possible together as a family.

A general rule is this: one activity at a time.  In other words, if Grace wants to do softball, she can't do softball and forensics at the same time.  You can do this while kids are young.  As they get older, multitasking activities will probably be the norm.

Don't get me wrong, we still do things.  Take this past weekend as an example.  My son, Thomas, wanted to learn how to play tennis.  We got up early, for Saturday standards, and enjoyed an hour together hitting the ball against the equivalent to The Green Monster here in Berkeley Heights.  Sunday, same thing.  Without a doubt, these two hours were the most important thing I did all weekend.  He had a blast and is now interested in a new sport.  

Was it hectic?  Not really. Important to my son? Totally.

It's ok to slow things down with your kids and your family.  You don't have to maintian a crazy schedule.  It's ok.  Your kids will be perfectly normal if they learn to hang out at home, read a book, play in the yard and love their siblings.  You don't have to attend every holiday party or end of year event.  

Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to do this.  

What's holding you back from a more manageable schedule with your family?

Photo courtesy of PL

Why You Should Wait 24 Hours Before Your Next Decision

Like you, I've had days when I wished there were 25 or 26 hours in a  day.  You just can't seem to get it all done.  Fortunately, there's always someone you know there to remind you that those extra few hours would just be filled up with something else.

True and true.

24 hours makes sense from a length of day standpoint. It also helps when you have to make a decision. Stepping away when you're hot under the collar is advice that will never go out of style.  

What's the value of pausing when you have to make a big decision?

 
1. You calm down.  If your decision is somewhat heated or you're feeling tense, it's always good to step back and calm down. Few good decisions get made out of anger.
2. Your thoughts get more clear.  Time creates wisdom and if you can wait 24 hours, your own thoughts will get more clear. Yesterday Cary and I were talking about our kids and their future.  Today we woke up with a better perspective on things and have clarity about how best to proceed. 24 hours will provide that for you.
3. You're more likely to make the right decision.  Unless you are facing an emergency and have to act quickly, the 24 hour rule will always available to you.
4. You have the opportunity to talk with wise people.  When you are facing a big decision, take the time to seek advice from someone you trust.

The next time you face a big decision, take 24 hours to let things settle and step back.  I'm guessing you'll be glad you did.

Question: when was the last time that you faced a big decision and took the time to wait before taking action?

 Photo courtesy of PS

9 Ways to Be Temporarily Happy

 Let's be honest- it's tougher to be happy in the winter than in the summer.  At least here in the Northeast, that's the case.  

• It's cold.
• The house is more dusty.
• People get cranky.
• All of the cars look like they need a bath.
• Folks look pale.

If you've read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project or Happier at Home, you know that certain behaviors make a real difference when it comes to happiness, especially in the winter.  

These behaviors can include making your bed in the morning, maintaining a clean home or any number of actions that just about anyone can try out.  Best of all, most of these are free!

Since winter here in New Jersey seems to be hanging on longer than we would like, I decided to try out some of Gretchen's tips to see if they would work.  Bear in mind, that as a person of faith, I was skeptical to try these out.

I was raised to believe that "true happiness" is only found in relationship with God.  The "small stuff"- that was soft and mushy, like tofu.  And who do you know that gets excited about tofu?  I had to integrate my faith into daily life rather than put the two opposite one another.

This is of course, a classic ninja move for anyone who wants to be a "Daily Saint"- integrating the ordinary with the spiritual.

To do this, I've spent a few weeks tracking the little things that make me happy.  These may not work for you but, temporarily at least, they sure do have an effect in my life.  

The list includes:

• Gadgets- iPhone, iPad, etc.
• Books on tape- I've gotten hooked on Vince Flynn's spy novels as of late.
• Making my breakfast and lunch the night before
• Arriving for church early rather than late
• Drinking plenty of water
• Being home by dinner
• Cleaning my desk before I leave for home
• Taking an extra five minutes for prayer in the morning
• Reading with my kids before bed

Your list might be different and as they say, "results may vary".  The key is to try out different strategies.  They will probably give you a temporary boost as winter tries to hang on.  While it's true that our ultimate happiness lies in God, we can still enjoy the journey until we meet our final destination.

Photo courtesy of TMN

Why You Worry (and What You Can Do About It)

Are you a person who worries a lot?  

Maybe it’s the result of waiting on medical results.  Or, it could be the effect of having a child that is going through one of those phases.  Your job could cause you to worry or you may have anxiety from feeling like you’re in over your head.  

I can relate, trust me.  Just ask my wife or my team at work- they could list for you my insecurities or reasons for worry.  

Worry can get the best of you if you aren’t careful. It will put extra wrinkles on your forehead and produce fewer hours of sleep at night.  Have you ever known someone who looked much older than they really were?  Those are the people who we say something like, “He’s had a hard life- that’s why he looks so old!”  In short, worry will produce a result in your mind and body if you let it.

The most dangerous thing though about worry is what it can do to your spiritual life.  First, worry can be a sign of not fully accepting God’s unconditional love for you.  Some of us are too hard on ourselves because we don’t fully, completely, passionately accept that God is head over heals for us.  Think on that for a bit… it will rock your world.

Worry can also be a sign that we don’t fully trust God’s providence in our life.  Think about it in another way.  If I told my son Thomas that he can trust me to get him to school on time and then he spends the entire day before school worrying about whether or not we’ll arrive on time.  Talk about wasted energy on his part but worse yet, it would signal a lack of confidence in me as his dad.  (And I’m a pretty solid driver I might add.)

To avoid worry, we should lock in to the two fold practice of a) Accept God’s love and b) Trust that He knows what He’s doing.  A few passages from Scripture come to mind:

“So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.”  Matt. 6:33-34 (NLT)

And another that is helpful when we think of worrying,

“Give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life.” Rom. 6:13b (NLT)

Worry doesn’t ever fully go away but you can lessen its effects through the following suggestions:

1. The moment you are tempted to worry, take your concern immediately to prayer.  It doesn't matter if you're at work or driving to an appointment- pray!
2. Talk about what you feel like worrying about with someone you trust.  This could be a spiritual director of a trusted friend.
3. Build a team around yourself that you can have total confidence in.  I often brag about my team at work because I trust them completely- that makes me worry less often.
4. Revisit Scripture often so that you are countering worry’s effects with the reassuring and continual Presence of God.  The Bible's wisdom doesn't go out of style.

I worry a lot.  I’m admittedly trying to get better and trust God more but worry is something that is always just around the corner.  Maybe you can relate.  If you are responsible for anyone besides yourself (a spouse, a child, an organization, a church, a town), it’s even more important that you learn to counter the temptation of worry.  

Fortunately, worry doesn’t have to get the best of you.  With some practice you’ll worry less and draw even closer to God. 

What are the things that you most often worry about?  What techniques do you practice when worry creaps in?

Photo courtesy of FS