What Your Silence Tells Others

Some leaders are outspoken while others prefer to be low key. In a recent NBC interview with Brian Williams, Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed a leaning towards introversion and silence. When asked what it was like shifting from a senior executive position to that of CEO, he said, "I'm a very private person, I like my being anonymous." (for the full transcript, click here)

For extroverts, finding silence during a week is very important even though silence is not their natural leaning. For introverts, finding silence is easy since they prefer less stimulation on any given day.

For both groups, silence speaks volumes. It tells others any number of things about them and how they approach work. It also is subjectively interpreted by those around the leader.

As an example, I like to spend the first 90 minutes of my day without meetings. I prepare my day, meet with my assistant and crank out the tasks that absolutely must get done that day. When I do this, the rest of the day goes better. I'm more focused and can give myself to those around me. When I don't do this, I'm distracted and experience guilt.

I realize that not everyone has a job with full control over each hour of the day. It's also true that some jobs are urgency driven. An ER nurse's job is to respond to anyone who comes through the door. Can you imagine it any other way? Still, when you choose to practice silence during the day, you tell others something about you.

The mom who tells her kids that she needs a 15 minute break so that she can have a devotional prayer time says something profound. She's telling her kids that the home is about noise AND quiet. She's telling her kids that faith needs listening and listening only happens when we are quiet.

The CEO who starts his day by getting quiet and closing his door for 30 minutes tells those around him that he's there for them AND can only be fully engaged if he begins his day with quietude. He's actually deepening his leadership platform by showing those in the organization that he is available most of the time but not all of the time.

The couple that takes a long drive in the country and doesn't feel the need to talk is practicing silence. Their silence says that they've run out of things to say AND that love is totally ok with that. Sometimes love is just being in the presence of the one you love.

What is your silence telling others?

*Photo Courtesy of FDT

Five Things to do on a Friday

Fridays are pretty great. We look forward to them. They mark the end of either drudgery or vocation during the week. I don't know about you but I find the mere existence of Friday makes Monday through Thursday a bit more tolerable.

Thanks be to God for inventing Fridays. Really good stuff there.

From a productivity and spirituality perspective, Fridays are also useful insofar as you can tie a ribbon on your week. When you do that, the weekend and the following week go better. Here are five simple things you can do to end your week on a high note:

1. Do a weekly review. Remember the last time you did a true GTD weekly review? If it's been a while, now is the time to get quiet and review your project list and plan for the next week.

2. Find one spiritual reading for the weekend. Whether it's a New Testament reading or something from Relevant Magazine, find something to save and then get alone with it later in the weekend.

3. Plan an outdoor activity. When was the last time that you actually researched an outdoor activity?

4. Clean up your workspace. There is nothing better than to start your week on Monday having cleaned it up on Friday.

5. Surprise your loved ones. You can pick up flowers for your wife, rent a silly movie for the kids or buy a bunch of legos for your son (or yourself). People like surprises and Fridays are perfect for delighting those you love with something out of the ordinary.

So how will you use your Friday?

Why a New Year is so Exciting

I like new things. New gadgets, new homes, new arrangements of the furniture after Christmas, new ways of arranging an office. A new tie is usually good unless it blinks. Did I mention new programs at church?

New is fun. New is... new.

It's terrific on the internet how everyone is writing about the over/under on New Year's Resolutions. Some people dig them and others are repulsed by them. Wherever you are at in that spectrum, that's pretty much ok. The key is to find your sweet spot and then go with what works.

My kids and I were playing a game over the vacation which involved planning a next move. My 9 year old son said, "I'm just going to plan as I go."

That's pretty good advice for January and beyond.

Match Your Activity with Your Energy

It's 8:22pm in the St. Pierre household and you have one child to be put to bed in 8 minutes.  The other three are going to be sleeping (right?) by 9pm.  

This is pretty typical in my family and I'm wondering about yours.  The issue is simple enough- what do you do when you have small bits of time to spend?  Do you waste them or make the most of them?

The temptation is to say, "the heck with it" or "Mike, you're micromanaging the clock!"  All I know is that God gives us time in order to use it.  I figure we ought to use it well.

So back to the scenario at hand.  In my house, we typically try to match the activity with the level of energy.  Have ten minutes before bed?  Choose a low-level activity that doesn't require much brain power.  This could be tidying up a room or folding a pile of clothes.

On the other hand, if you're given a 30-45 minute block of time, you may want to settle in for a deeper level of activity.  This is a gift to use more wisely.  You could do some writing, have a meaningful conversation or clean out your inbox.  

Whatever your block of time, try to see it as a gift.  

Which tasks do you typically reserve for small blocks of time?  Likewise, which ones do you tackle when you have a lot of energy?

Photo courtesy of CK

Three Spiritual Lessons from House Selling

The day the sign went up I could feel the stares.

Neighbors, previously friendly to us, suddenly raised an eye brow as the realtor put the stakes into the ground. "Home for Sale" became a symbol of traitorship in our quiet suburban development. Why would they want to move? What's wrong with this neighborhood? You could almost hear the dinner conversation about the family in the white house that just put their house up for sale.

I avoided Herbie, my closest friend on the block, for days on end. I felt guilty, as if my desire to move was a statement of dissatisfaction with him or his backyard. It wasn't of course but the emotional pull of moving does weird things to your head.

Now a few months later and with a boat load of showings under our belt, I can say that we have gleaned (at least) three spiritual lessons from the house selling process.

1. House selling increases your faith. It's not a great market in which to sell. The economy isn't exactly "shovel ready" and everyone wants a deal. So much of the house selling process is out of your control that you literally have to throw it up to God and trust that He will work out the details. That's great for your faith.


2. House selling increases communication within your own family. Cary and I have had more conversations with our kids about our home, our town and what we really need (i.e. space, bedrooms, etc.) as a result of putting our house up for sale. More communication = better relationships.


3. House selling expands your vision for the future. When you leverage something that you own, it helps you to measure what's really important. That, in turn, leads to big thoughts about your future. For us, the house selling process has brought a lot of clarity to where we want to be in the short and the long term.

As of today our house hasn't sold. I wish it had but I'm grateful for the three lessons that we've learned along the way. Finally, Herbie and I are back on speaking terms.

What did you learn from the last time you had to purchase or sell a home?

Photo courtesy of SR

How to Know if You are Too Critical

You know them as Debbie Downers, Charlie Criticals or just plain know-it-alls.  They seem to have all of the answers without a willingness to do all of the work.  The 5 x 5 Network even has a show dedicated to these folks called Hypercritical.  

In short, critical people are all around us.  

How do you know if you're one of them?  Here are some signs:

-nothing seems to be good enough
-they return food often at restaurants
-they complain to hotel staffs
-they are quick to give advice, even if they aren't asked
-they like the phrase, "Have you ever thought about..."
-their faces don't look happy, often with deep lines on their foreheads and a recurring frown
-they can turn their praise on a dime into an attack, removing all loyalty from relationships

If you can relate to some of these signs, you're not alone.  If we're honest, we all are probably too critical too much of the time.  

The reason why this matters is that it relates profoundly to our spiritual lives.  A critical person brushes up against pride when their "I know better" attitude expands and pride is a major problem.  

My wife Cary told me once that I had "a problem".  I thought, "this will be rich," but listened like an obedient husband anyway. She told me that my problem was that I always wanted things to be better.  Not thinking that this really was a problem, I was still struck by her insight.  I realized that my attitude needed to shift without my standards being compromised.  It's good to want to improve things but it's bad if that's all you want out of life.  

Think of it in terms of relationships: if you are friends with someone and always want to change them, you'll quickly find yourself alone.  Work, family, prayer- much of this isn't about changing people but about working with them to achieve a higher good.

In my life, the result has been significant as I'm now more accepting and less judgmental.  A work in progress, as they say.

The trick is not to lose sight of things when they need improvement but to see things through a spiritual lens.  Love and accept first and evaluate and improve later.  Now that's a formula that works even when life isn't perfect.

Question: when was the last time that you caught yourself being overly critical of someone else?  

Photo courtesy of RZ