Two Experiments That I'm Trying Related to Silence

We have a lot of silence in any stretch of 24 hours. After all, we sleep in silence which accounts for 6-8 hours. It’s the rest of the day that’s a challenge. We battle two types of noise when we’re awake:

• outer noise (either physical, i.e. sounds or digital, i.e. technology-related)
• inner noise (the inability to focus and think deeply)

“If silence is lacking, then grace is lacking”

— St. Maximilian Kolbe

I’ve been experimenting over the past few months with ways to make silence more manageable. I confess that I occasionally find silence difficult. This is coming from an introvert who enjoys time alone. It’s still hard for me.

Silence is something that I want to be more comfortable with. My sense is that it’s good for me and as I prepared for this post, I found that I was not alone.

• Thomas a Kempis said, “In silence and quiet the devout soul advances in virtue and learns the hidden truths of Scripture”.
• St. Maximilian Kolbe said, “Silence is necessary, and even absolutely necessary. If silence is lacking, then grace is lacking”. 

I suspect that the rise of technology is a keen contributor to our struggle with technology. In a spare moment, it’s become muscle-memory to grab out phones and do… whatever. We just feel as if we should be checking.  Email, Twitter, Social Media, new wallpaper downloads, clearance sales, anything at all.

And that makes silence all the more difficult. After all, it can’t hold a candle to the exciting lure of how many likes yesterday’s Instagram post garnered.

But, and here’s the key- what if silence could measure up? What if it were actually more valuable to our spiritual lives than anything that could possibly be on our phones? 

Two Silence Experiments

To better handle my own struggle with silence, I've been trying two experiments. First, I’ve been practicing a Digital Sabbath once a week. Usually on a Sunday, I will try to avoid using my phone or computer. You could call it “old school Sunday” as we break out the books with real paper and spend more time outdoors. It feels somehow nostalgic and … right. It seems to have put my week in perspective nad made a difference. While in the first few months I dreaded the Digital Sabbath, I now look forward to it.

“God is the friend of silence.”

— St. Teresa of Calcutta

A second experiment has dealt with spontaneity. Whenever I’m driving somewhere and feel the slightest urge to pray or be quiet, I turn off the radio or podcast. I let the silence fill the car and flood my mind. I figure that this is either (simply) a good way to include more silence in my day or (and more importantly) a nudge from God to shut up and be quiet. Both are good.

These two experiments with silence are making a difference in my prayer life. When I have my morning quiet time, close my eyes and be still, the silence is a little easier. Because I’m “doing the work” during the week, the prayer muscle of my heart is more toned and able to receive the silence God provides. As St. Teresa of Calcutta famously said, "God is the friend of silence."

When it comes to silence, what works for you?

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How to Pray When You Live in a Small Space

Space plays an important role when you are working on your prayer life. A friend of mine has a chapel in her garage. Another friend has a small corner in his room with a chair and a table with an icon on it. Wherever you live, your space will impact your prayer time.

My family is a classic example. We have four kids in a three bedroom home. Depending on the day, it can be pretty tight. With that said, I am very (read, very) fortunate to have an office in my basement that is rarely used by anyone else. I can retreat there for a morning quiet time and it’s been a blessing for many years. I’ve placed some religious art on the walls so that when I open my eyes, my mind and heart are jogged by religious imagery.

Not everyone has that. You might be in an apartment where space is tight. Or, you might be sharing a room with someone and half your space isn’t really “yours”. Maybe you have plenty of room but it doesn’t feel conducive to prayer.

So what can you do? Here are four suggestions:

1.  Carve out a prayer corner. One of the most holy men I know uses this technique. He has a chair, a small table and some religious items on the table. This is his sacred space each morning for an hour or more. You don’t need a lot of space with this approach.

2.  Transform a space that’s used for something else. Think: kitchen table. Your table is obviously used for meals but once a day, you could transform this into a spot for prayer. All you would need is a candle or small icon and your Bible. You could then make this your prayer spot. When you finish, simply return your tools to another spot and the table is ready for its next meal!

3.  Pray outside. If you absolutely cannot find a quiet spot in your home, you can pray in an outdoor space, weather permitting. A side porch or back deck is perfect for this. Typically, these kinds of spaces provide some background noise (but not too much) and the beauty of nature.

4.  Pray during exercise. If options 1-3 don’t work for you, get moving and use your fitness for prayer. While this isn’t relaxing, it will provide you with a focused means of prayer. I know many people who pray the Rosary while they walk and it works well for them.

The key in all of this is to pray regularly. By paying attention to your space, your prayer life will benefit.

What Contributes to a Good Quiet Time?

You sit down to pray and your mind is racing a thousand miles a minute. A sound bothers you. Your stomach rumbles. What was going to be a nice time of prayer is quickly slipping away...

Can you relate?

We’ve talked a lot about the components of a morning quiet time. There are tried and true “parts” to this ancient practice.

What we might take for granted, especially when it comes to morning prayer, are the other factors that can impact a morning quiet time.

I think of the story from St. Therese of Lisieux. During prayers in the chapel, another sister would make a sort of clacking noise which Therese found quite distracting. While at first an annoyance, she found a way to turn the sister’s peculiarities into something pleasant. Over time, she would look forward to the other sister’s noise.

By the way, I had a college roommate who snored like you can’t imagine. A train (snoring) literally came through our room each night! Unlike Therese, I didn’t have the virtue to see his snoring as a gift.

Back to the topic at hand- which factors contribute to your morning quiet time?

Here are four that stand out for me:

1. Sound. What’s going on around you? Are you alone? Is anyone else nearby? How about environmental sounds like birds outside or a train passing by... take note of these things.

2. How you are feeling physically? Are you hungry or tired? Does anything pain you? How is your posture? Take note of these things.

3. Temperature. Are you cold? Hot? Do you need to take off your jacket? Is your belt too tight? Take note of these things.

4. Desire. As you enter into prayer, are you feeling as if you want to pray? Does it feel routine today? Are you happy about this experience? Take note of these things.

We could add probably a dozen other things that impact your daily quiet time. The key is to take note of things, both inside you and outside of you. Then, as with all things, offer the moment and your heart up to the Lord. He will take care of the rest.

Resources, Role Models and Routines

In his recent exhortation, Pope Francis talks about the context of becoming holy.  He wants us to ask, 

• Can I become holy in the midst of my busy, daily schedule?​
• Do I need to become a nun or a priest in order to be holy?​
• What is a realistic path for me to become holy?​

I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly asked these questions over the years.  As I get older, I see my daily life, with its warts and blessings, as the “container” for me to become holy.  ​

As an encouragement, the Holy Father points to the ultimate context for learning the be holy: the Church.  He says, ​

“In the Church, holy yet made up of sinners, you will find everything you need to grow towards holiness.” (Gaudete et Exsultate, 15)

If you were trying to get in shape, where would you turn?  Most likely to a gym with personal trainers and a community that supports you.  Right?  This may explain why CrossFit is so popular in the United States- it offers just the right amount of support and guidance for getting fit.​

Pope Francis is telling us that the Church is the “gym” for individuals who want to become not just more prayerful but more human, more whole.  St. Iraneaus famously said, “The glory of God is a human being, fully alive.”  This is holiness, to be fully alive and rooted in Christ.​

To do this, we need three things: Resources, Role Models and Routines.  The Church provides all three and in subsequent posts, we will explore each in detail.​

In the meantime, spend some time today considering the ways in which the Church is your personal gym for growing in holiness.  ​

The Surprising Truth About Prayer

January and February are often times of the year when people try out new things.  In a quest for form new habits, we go on diets, save more money and go to the gym.  The seed inside of us, wanting improvement, is good.  

After all, it’s a good thing to be in better shape, to manage our finances more effectively and to eat healthy foods.  Rather than poo-poo this innate desire we all have to improve, we should celebrate it.

On one hand, forming new habits is easy but on the other hand, each requires a certain “barrier of entry”.  Let’s look at a few of them and consider the hoops that you have to jump through to really excel:

• Fitness: do I go to the gym or purchase equipment to excercise at home?  Do I work out on my own or with a buddy?
• Diet: do I ditch carbs or increase protein?  Do I have to drink eight glasses of water a day?  Should I eat three meals or five smaller meals?  Organic or regular food?
• Reading: do I buy traditional books or use a Kindle?  Sci-fi or fiction?  What if I don’t like to read? Does listening to an audio book count as reading?

Now, consider something that prayer has in common with each of the habits we’ve just mentioned: it takes practice.  Prayer, to truly become a habit that “sticks” must be done over and over again.

But, and here’s the wonderfully surprising truth about prayer, there is literally no barrier to entry.  You and I can pray right now.  No fancy clothes needed.  No apps needed.  No level of education needed. 

All that’s needed is to surrender to that seed of desire in you to be closer to God.  That alone, placed there first by God, is enough of an engine to get you going.  

Consider the words of 16th century mystic and Doctor of the Church, St. Teresa of Avila wh described prayer prayer in terms of, “being on terms of friendship with God frequently conversing in secret with him who, we know, loves us”.

As my father would say, “that’s a wow!”  Prayer is nothing more or less than building friendship with God.  We talk with Him in our hearts or out loud.  We listen to Him, even when it is hard to hear His voice.  We do all of this because we know, deep down, that He loves us and waits for us in prayer.

There’s no barrier of entry, only a surrender to the tiniest incling that we should pray.  When you sense that incling, drop everything and say a prayer.  

• When you see a car accident on the side of the road, say a prayer.
• When someone tells you some bad news, say a prayer.
• When you are stressed at work, say a prayer.
• When you read the news and hear of a natural disaster, say a prayer.
• When you know something or someone is “off”, say a prayer.
• When you start your day and before you go to sleep, say a prayer.

By praying when you have the smallest sense that you should pray, you will be building the muscle of prayer.  God waits for you there and wants for you to meet Him in the quiet and ordinary spaces of daily prayer.

5 Steps To Praying More in 2018

 So you want to pray more in 2018?

Just like those that want to exercise more or save more money in the New Year, there are a lot of us who also want to be more prayerful.  The catch, and there’s always a catch, is that it’s easier said than done.

A desire needs a bit more to become a reality.

Still, a seed of desire is a good starting point to a more prayerful “you” in 2018.  St. Therese calls prayer a “surge of the heart”- that sure sounds like desire-language to me!  If you have a desire to pray more, that’s fantastic so let’s explore it further.

Once you have the inclination to be more prayerful, what do you do about it?  I suggest a couple of things to get you going:

1. Pick an app.  As you can see from my Productivity Awards list, I recommend either Magnificat or Give Us This Day. If you’d prefer a free option, go with Laudate.
2. Decide on a time of day. For most of us, mornings are the best time of day to pray.  There’s just less resistance in the morning and it also feels great to start your day with some personal time with God.
3. Decide on your location.  This isn’t a fancy step but still an important one.  Will you pray at the kitchen table or in a chapel at church?  Will you find a comfortable chair in your living room that looks out on your backyard?  Where in your life can you find a quiet spot to be with God every day at a particular time?  For me, it’s typically in a chair in my living room, listening to the birds begin their day just outside.
4. Decide on your ritual or practice.  You know when you go to church and the service (or Mass for us Catholics!) begins the same way every single week?  Those repeated signs trigger your mind and heart into a different point of focus, i.e. “this is prayer time”.  You can do this at home by lighting a candle, making the sign of the cross or saying the same thing each time you start.  I like to begin with “O God come to my assistance, Lord make haste to help me” which I’ve borrowed from the Liturgy of the Hours. Find what works for you and then use it each and every time you pray.
5. Revisit your journal.  A journal is a great place to “ponder” things.  Writing makes you more reflective, more grateful and can improve your intimacy with God.  Just let it flow- don’t try to impress anyone or be perfect.  The point is to talk to God through your writing (or typing via an app) and “turn over” your heart a few times.

These are five simple tips for a more prayerful you in the New Year.  I can’t wait to hear of your success stories!