Praying Through Anger

The call ended. I had just been lectured by someone who was supposed to be a peer. Instead, they were acting as if they were my parent, scolding me over something that I had done. I had apparently not acted according to their pristine standards.

I got off the phone, uttered a few curse words and moved on. My anger was temporary and I dealt with it as best as I knew how. I swore, complained a little and told Cary about it later that day. 

That was it.

“There are two methods to subdue anger. First, that before a person undertakes to act, he places before his mind the contumelies and sufferings which he will likely encounter, and, by reflecting on the shame borne by our Saviour, prepares himself to bear them patiently. Secondly, that when we behold the excesses of others, we direct our thoughts to our own excesses, by which we offend others.”
— Pope Saint Gregory the Great

How about you- how do you deal with anger? Do you stew and then lash out? Or, are you someone who responds immediately and lives to regret it later?

For me, anger is a strange emotion, showing its face on rare occasions.  As a Catholic, I’m not sure we do a very good job of helping people deal with anger. When was the last time you heard a homily about anger?

Jesus got angry. He acted on it, to the surprise  and backlash of those around him. I imagine that if you hung out with the Lord on a regular basis, you knew when he was angry about something.

Today, we see anger played out in traffic squabbles. Maybe someone will flip you the bird from their car. Or, if you’re really lucky, someone will call you an idiot on Twitter, although I’m not sure that really counts.

It’s as if we’ve become allergic to anger. In HR training, we’re taught to couch our emotions into beige language like, “I think what I hear you saying is...” or “When you did that, it made me feel sad...”

Is this what we’ve become? People who can’t even express raw emotion or appropriate anger?

As with all emotions, prayer can help to make sense of anger. It will feel foreign, holding up anger to God. Asking Him what the source of your anger is, turning it over a few times, talking it through.

You might even have anger towards God or the Church. I know that I have from time to time. It feels uncomfortable to even write this but it’s true.

The best remedy- acknowledge it. Tell God that you’re mad at Him. Ask Him to show you the source of this anger. Talking to God is praying with emotion, even with anger. Remember who you are and who God is and the anger will make sense over time. Be careful with anger as many of the saints remind us. To respond angrily in an inappropriate way can create a big problem. Worse yet, it can stain your character.

As for your anger towards others, this is more tricky. Again, hold it up to God and ask for His light to show you the source of your emotion. Ask for the way in which you should respond. Talk with someone you trust about your anger as a further way of processing it. 

Prayer is a key asset in processing emotions, especially anger. Don’t go it alone. Let God into your anger and sure enough, He will provide you with the light you need to work through your anger.

What’s Your Story When it Comes to Prayer?

You can’t go zero to sixty in a car in less than about five seconds. In case you don’t drive often, five seconds is very fast. Sports car stuff...

The average car? About 10-12 seconds.

Speed takes time to develop. Then, when momentum takes over, the car is moving at a brisk pace and watch out- before you know it, you’re speeding and see the blue lights in your rear-view mirror. Uh oh.

When it comes to prayer, most of this metaphor applies. We need time to build up momentum. Once we get going, thankfully, it’s no turning back and our prayer lives are really humming. As for the police, forget that part.

St. John of the Cross once said that you don’t become spiritually mature until you are at least 40 years old. As someone on the north side of 40, I read this with a smile. The older you are, the more wisdom you can attain.

I go to church all of the time. Several times a week. I hear my pastor and priests and deacons tell the congregation that we should add prayer to our tool belt of resources. I’ve never heard anyone disagree with this.  Makes sense right?

The problem, and it’s a big one, is that most of us don’t actually know how to pray. This is on two levels. On the surface level, everyone knows how to pray. You simply talk to God. No barriers, just communicate. St. Therese of Lisieux described it this way, “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” 

If you were comparing prayer to working out, this level is like the ability to go to the gym. Nearly everyone can go to the gym and do some stretches and enjoy some movement.

“For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.”
— St. Therese of Lisieux

On a deeper level, most of us don’t know how to pray regularly, daily and thus building spiritual momentum with God. This is in some ways, much harder.  Going back to the gym metaphor, this is like going to the gym daily- much harder.

This is the level that most of us struggle with. And back to the title of this post, this is the level that is critical for each of us to evaluate.  If we don’t do this, we might never be able to get to the deeper levels of intimacy with God.

What’s your story when it comes to prayer? 

Have you had one positive experience of praying? Where were you? What did it feel like? What was the after-effect?  When you think of that time of prayer, does it put a smile on your face?

On the flip side, have you had a “bad” experience of prayer? What was that like? Why did that frustrate you? How do you think that that particular experience of prayer has stayed with you?

I’ve been teaching people to pray for years. I find this step in the spiritual journey to be vitally important. Unless we pause and take stock of our prayer with God, we won’t grow closer to God. This is harder than it seems as many of us have had a desert-like journey when it comes to prayer. 

• Many of us feel like we don’t know how to pray.

• Many of us have never felt the presence of God.

• Many of us have never heard the voice of God.

• Many of us have never savored the healing touch of God.

And as a result, we stop praying. 

My message during Advent (and beyond): try prayer again. Try to get alone, away from the noise, and have a heart to heart with God. Try journaling (again) for the first time. Try going into a church and praying before the Blessed Sacrament when no one else is around. If you try, you will. If you don’t try, you won’t.

Then, do it tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. Before you know it, you will be having a quality prayer time with the Lord each day. This is where the good stuff happens. This is where God transforms us. This is where we become humble and put God first.

Simple right? I think so. Try it today. I think you’ll be glad you did.